Judge — August 26, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

My Waterloo I SWORE Id never kiss a girl Until I was engaged. The freedom of the weaker sex My instincts have enraged. And so I kept unto my vow Till Martha came in view. She played with me—delightfully, What could a mere man do? She had me tie her shoelace twice, She had me fix her hair. I took ten cinders from her eye Though not a one was there. We strolled along a garden path, Her bobbed curls brushed my cheek. T held her tightly—by the arm, And to her thus did speak: “L swore I'd never kiss a girl Until L was engaged.” She smiled at me—beguilingly— And now we are engaged! Cornell Widow. “I've kept an account of all my quar- rels in this diary.” “Sort of a scrap book, as it were.” —California Pelican. ery “There was a young man named Mar- quette, Who hated the flappers that puette; So he took out ne Whom he thought was quite tame, And he hasn’t got over it yuette.” —Washington Sun Dodger. Pr rad “T'm often told,” the flapper, “that I wrote a dumb letter, but I con- sider it an insult to it returned from the Dead Letter Office." —Princeton Tiger. Per Hannah—You and John seem very affectionate. When you going to form that partnership? Mary—I don't know. He seems pretty well satisfied with the holding Co. Pennsylvania Punch Bout. se The girl that looks good enough to eat is apt to be hungry enough, too.— Northwestern Purple Parrot. Pha Bank: Inspector—Where’s the cashier? Gone for a rest? President—No, to avoid it—Michigan Gargoyle. toe “Ts your professor going to the moun- tains this summer?” Not mine—he believes in low grades.” —VYale Record. With the College Wits Irrepressible, Joyous, Irresponsible Scientifically Speaking CHEMIST of skill, investigate! Answer this quiz of mine: I think I know what Carbonate, But where did Iodine? —Lehigh Burr. ere to the chigger, bug that’s no bigger Than the point of a good-sized pin. But the point t Itches like blazes, And that’s where the rub comes in. Denison Flamingo. he raises s I asked my sister for some “Jack.” The next mail brought a letter back. Its contents maddened me with pain For all it said was “no” again. Mass. Ay. Squib. eee Here lies the body of Frederick Lefi His death is too sad for description. He was killed by the mob in a terrible charge, When he carelessly dropped his pre- scription, —Cornell Widow. ere T have the sweetest girl, Who never has much to say. And I’ve often wondered If she'd always be that way. —Boston Beanpot. sae Roberta—What do you mean by kissing me? Robert—I just couldn't help myself. “But you just did.”"—Virginia Reel. se Kiddo—I bet I can look into your eyes without laughing longer than’ you can look into mine. Kidder—T'll bet you can too. Think how much funnier your face is than mine. —Williams Purple Cow. woe Oh, Lady Godiva To-day would be mobbed y eager spectators You see, ‘twould be bobbed! Princeton Tiger. Minister—My good man, do you keep the ten commandments? Drug Store Clerk—No, but we h: something just as good.—Carolina Tar Baby. 23 M ARY drove her little flivver 4 In a way to make you shiver; And when upon the gas she stept You saw that she was no adept. Mary in the churchyard lies ‘Neath green trees and sunny skies. Her car refused to climb a ps That's why she’s now in such a hole. Nebraska Awgawan. reed y's we have advanced far in the art of becoming educated. Ino the old “Meet my friend. We days it) was graduated with the same class.” Now it’s “Meet my friend. We flunked out of college the same day.” And still the world thrives. —Dartmouth Jack 0’ Lan- tern. sat Maiden (to steward)—Oh, there’s my fiancé on the pier! I wonder if I could down and say good-by to him? Steward —L am afraid not, madam. The boat leaves in two hours. —California Pelican. re “T understand you're on the right side of temper. “What! Flamingo. —Denison Tntemperanc Scamp—There’s too much rouge on your lips. Vamp—Oh, well, the evening’s young yet!—Princeton Tiger. comicbooks.com