Judge — July 22, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

etn OA me oe oz AW FA = My \\\\\ AW y o $a Nw i || “It’s lucky, mister, I wear rubbers on me boots, or I might ’ave ’urt yer!"—London Mail. COUPLE of sailors got into a dis- cussion over the kind of animal a heifer was. One sailor claimed that the heifer belonged to the hog family, the other that it was a variety of sheep. Finally, they called in Boatswain Bill. “Bill, wot’s a heifer—is it a hog or is it a sheep?” they said. Boatswain Bill bit off a large chew re- flectively. Then he said: “To tell you the truth, mates, I dunno much about poultry.’”—London Opinion. att “Do you think the Great American Novel will ever be produced?” asked the lover of literature. “Why,” replied the log roller, “it’s being written ev once in a while by one of my friends.”—New York Sun. tae “There’s one good thing about the radio.” “Which is?” “You can listen to it all night, if you want to, and know you're not keeping the neighbors awake.” —Detroit Free Press. tat “You recollect, I reckon, when Lyddy Lump and Sankey Simms got married?” inquired a resident of the Mount Pizgy neighborhood who had remained at home. “Lez see!” replied an acquaintance who had been away for quite a while. “Big, slab-sided girl that once whipped the constable, wasn’t she? ‘And he weighed about a hundred and ten pounds, if I've got him right?” “Eh-yah! Just thought I'd tell you that Sankey escaped about two weeks later.”—Kansas City Star. Rad “That’s a wonderful office boy you’ve got.” “Yeah; he’s a daisy. Doesn’t smoke, cuss, shoot craps or run away to ball games. A perfect boy.” “TI gotcha. What's his fault, then?” “Well, he has only one fault. He won't work.” —Richmond Times-Dispatch. “What's going on here?” “A prize fight, mister. The purse is a quarter.” “What's that youngster doing up a tree while another boy walks around below with a club in his hand?” “Oh, that feller in the tree is the stake- holder.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. R. WELLINGTON KOO, the bril- liant young Chinese diplomat, said at a dinner party in New York: “Some men seem to think that we Chinese are a very childlike and very in- nocent people. They think we all exactly resemble the Pekin merchant of the story. “According to this story—and it is a gem —a Pekin merchant took a rather notori- ous foreigner to board with him at the rate of $20 a week. Six months passed, and the rather notorious foreigner had not yet let his host once see the color of his money. “So, at the end of the six’ months, the ekin merchant thought the matter over very thoughtfully and reduced the for- cigner’s board from $20 to $10. He explained that thus, if the foreigner never paid him, he would not lose so much money.”—Detroit Free Press. tte Proud Dame—I do not see, Alice, how you can think of marrying into such a commonplace family. Romantic Daughter—I am not going to marry into his family; he is going to marry into ours.—Boston Transcript. tot “How do you like my frock?” asked ister, when dressed for a dance. “It’s—er—quite simple,” stammered the young man. “Simple!” she laughed. “Do you know what it cost? Do you know that twenty golden so igns wouldn’t cover it?” “Perhaps not,” said Eric; “but thirty might, well spread out.”—Toronto Globe. “They say that art brings grace. 25, I hope that sitting outside at this task will get me the grace of some man.”—Der Brummer (Berlin). comicbooks.com