Judge — July 22, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Granny (who doesn’t like modern manners)—You girls are so useless nowadays. Why, I believe you don’t know what needles are for! The Youngest—What a silly old granny you are? Why, they are to make the gramophone play, of course——London Mail. ‘HE umpire called him out at the plate. Immediately 20,000 fans rose from their seats and began hurling pop bottles and cushions at him. “Robber! Thief!’ they shouted and chased him from the lot. That evening by the side streets he managed to reach home safely in time for his dinner. He sat down at the table, and his little wife said: “Bill, I was at the game this afternoon, and you certainly were rotten. That man was safe by a mile.”—Detroit Free Press. Fae “Where are you going in such a hurry?” asked Mrs. Bibbles. “Over to John Jagsby’: Mr. Bibbles. “He has to ask if I could lend him a corkscrew and I’m taking it myself.” “Couldn’t you send it?” “Mrs. Bibbles,” said Mr. Bibbles, in cutting tones, “the question you asked me shows why most women are unfit to lead armies and make quick decisions in business deals involving millions. When the psychological moment arrives they don’t know what to do with it.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. PAF “T see,” he said, “that coal has gone up again.” “Has it?” she replied. “And they’re raising rents,” he con- tinued. “Well,” she exclaimed, flaring up, “if you wish to have our engagement broken off, say so. I always hate to have people beat about the bush in a case of this kind.” —Minneapolis Tribune. house, said Lawyer—What are your resources? Old Man—I beg. Lawyer—Without a profession, then! A person of independent means! You will have to pay a luxury tax—Le ire (Paris). as City Youth—What’s that calf licking? Farmer—That's rock salt. “T’ve often wondered how cornbecf was made.”—Boston Transcript. ons “What do you think is the cause of so many unhappy marriages?” “Too many people are married before they get sense enough to stay single.”— Miami Herald. pensation. er—my costs and expenses. 23 ‘RS. COBB decided to visit New York and spend a day with a friend. Her grocer had not called by the time she was ready to leave, so she wrote on a card: “All out. Don’t leave anything,” and tacked it on the door. Upon her return at night, she dis- covered that the house had been ran- sacked. On the card which she had left on the door these words had been added: “Thanks; but we couldn’t take the heavy furniture.”—Detroit News. tae “Yes, your honor,” said the aggrieved woman, as she dabbed her eyes, “he neglected me shamefully. Why, he was never at home.” “And I suppose you had to spend your evenings all by yourself, with no com- panionship whatever?” “W. ell,” she sobbed, “I had two goldfish.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. tae “My, paw, you look nice in a full dress suit.” “Thanks, ma; but I wish they’d make the blamed things so a feller would have some place to put his pipe and can 0° tobacco.” —Florida Times-Union. tae “Does your boy Josh know anything about agriculture?” “No,” replied Farmer Corntossel; “and I don’t want him to learn, What I want Josh to do is to learn engineerin’ so’s he kin keep the flivver an’ the rest of the gasoline machinery goin’.”—Wash- ington Star. FAS “You say Meddling is a born re- former?” “Just that.” “What do you mean by a born re- former?” “T have it on the authority of his grandmother that when he was five years old, he started a campaign in his neigh- borhood to abolish Mother Goose.” —Bir- mingham Age-Herald. & Workman—Ten pahnd! But the court gave me a ’undred pahnds com- Solicitor—But, my dear fellow, | you—er—forget the little matter of— Just ninety pounds!—London Mail,