Judge — June 17, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SKEPTIC Literal-minded gentleman, suspecting of exaggeration the advertisements illustrating the strength of a certain gas-mantle, decides on a final test.—Passing Show (London). While waiting for a train home from the city one night, Jones grew restless and looked about for something inter- esting. His eye fell upon a slot ma- chine, and he promptly inserted a penny. “I have often wondered,” he re- marked aloud, in the manner of all truly thoughtful men, “where the profit on these machines—” Here he grasped the handle with a firm and masterful grip. “Where the profit on these affairs—” So saying he shook the machine. “I have often wondered,” he con- tinued, giving it another vigorous shake, “where the profit—hang the thing!” Then one of the porters came up and told him that the machine was out of order, and Jones realized at last where part of the’ profit came from.—Phila- delphia Star. “You must have felt cheap,” we sym- pathetically said. “Cheap?” ejaculated the man who had cut the embarrassing caper. “I felt as cheap as a German mark.”— ’ Kansas City Star. “TI can’t manipulate this steak.” “Cheer up, I've already got mine bent.”"—Vassar Miscellany News. It is just an idle speculation, devoid of grief, but do you suppose you will ever again witness that sterling and improving drama, “Ten Nights in a Bar-room,” or hear again the pathetic poem entitled “The Face on the Bar- room Floor”?—Chicago Daily News. “Where are you going, girl?” “To the capitol. An investigating committee is taking up the matter of short skirts.” “Are you an exhibit?”—Louisville Courier-Journal. “Which weeds are the easiest to kill?” asked young Flickers of Far~er Sassfrass, as he watched that good man at his work. “Widow’s weeds,” replied the farmer. “You have only to say ‘Wilt thou?’ and they wilt."—London Weekly Tele- graph. Apprentice—What is in this bottle with no label? Chemist—That’s what you use when you can’t read the prescription. — Kasper (Stockholm). m4 “Spiffins is one of those conversa- tional millionaires.” “How come?” “He talks in millions and then bor- rows lunch money.”—Buffalo Express. Wife—I wish, dear, that you'd settle my last year’s milliner bill. I really can't sleep for thinking of it. Hub — Your conscience pricking you, eh? “Oh, no; but I need two more hats right away.”—Peoria Transcript. “Do you claim to know all about finance?” “No,” admitted Farmer Corntassel. “I'm free to confess some of us farmers who talk about finance don’t know any more about the subject than some of the financiers who talk about farming.” —Washington Star. Marie--Give an example of period furniture. Antoinette—Well, I should say an electric chair, because it ends a sen- tence.—Vassar Miscellany News. “Ever keep a diary, Weary?” “Wot's dat?” “A record of wot a feller does.” “Naw! De cops attend ter dat.”— Boston Transcript. ° “We must give daughter lessons on the harp. It enables her to show her beautiful arms.” “Arms, eh?” ruminated the old man. “A good idea. Encourage her in that direction, my dear.”—Louisville Cour- ier-Journal. comicbooks.com