Judge — June 17, 1922 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TORTI S) ju be. First Prize WATCH YOUR STEP The professor was putting the finishing touches on the sidewalk he was laying down. Tommy, aged six, had been watching the proceed- ings with great interest, and at length deeming the time right for trial, started to cross before the mixture had time to dry. When the professor displayed some slight pique, a passer-by ob- served: “Why, prof: liked children.” “I like ‘em all right in the ab stract,” the professor replied, “but not in the concrete.” or, I thought you Second Prize MALPRACTICE SSX ATHAT can I do for you, Lars?” asked Lawyer Brown, in his Main Street office. “Vell,” said Lars, “Ay vant some damages on Olson.” “Olson, the veterinary? Tell me why?” “Oh, you see, my cow von't eat, so I tell Olson; and he give me bottle medicine to fix it. He say to put fun- nel in cow’s face, den pour in med’cine and cow vill get hungry. “Ay ent have regular funnel, so I ask Olson vill dinner horn do. He say it vill do. “So Ay shove small end of dinner horn in cow’s face and pour in med’cine. At vonce dat cow get so hungry she try to eat de horn. But she can’t—it stick in her neck. Den she cough and de horn go toot. Cow get scared and run up de road, cough- ing and tooting. “Purty soon she come to de river. De man on de drawbridge tenks a boat ban tooting, so he open bridge and my cow fallin. She get drowned, too, so I tenk Olson should pay.” NOT IMPRESSED Nate and Zeenus from Cape Cod stood leaning on the iron fence that surrounds the little promontory at the brink of Niagara Falls. In silence they watched the rushing waters fall into a cloud of mist. A gentleman from the West came and explained st. All others at regular rates. ES T O the wonders of the Falls. He told how many gallons of water passed over the crest per minute, how far they fell, how rapidly they moved, the number of feet the Falls had worn away the rock in the last century, the number they were expected to go in the next. It seemed to him that the boys were not impressed. Laying his hand on Nate’s shoulder, he said: “Son, where is your enthusiasm? Don’t you realize you are gazing upon one of Nature’s grandest spectacles?” “Mister,” replied Nate, “if you had ever seen the seas break over Chatham Bars in a no’theaster, this outfit here would look to you about like to spick- ets a-runnin’ in a kitchen sink.” YOU TELL HIM, DADDY An active churchman attends church services regularly, taking his young son with him. Usually the youngster stands the strain and makes no trouble. But on a recent Sunday the minister was waxing eloquent on the subject of the “Future State of the Church.” As his voice rose in power and volume, he made the rafters ring with the ques- tion—“I ask you what shall be the TELL DGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. future glory of the church?” A brief pause for breath, and he continued: “I repeat, what shall be the future glory of the church?” The young hopeful turned to his father and said: “You tell him, daddy, and let’s go.” AGE MUST BE SERVED First Soph—Good Lord, old chap, why all the luscious girlie posters; some sudden complex? Second Ditto—Oh, no. They’re for dad. He’s coming for a visit comicbooks:com