Judge — June 10, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Expert testimony may be valuable from a scientific point of view, but nere are often cheaper ways of estab- hing a certainty, as the following ows: An Irish laborer entered a drug tore and, drawing a paper bag from his pocket, poured on the counter a number of very sticky and unattractive- looking pieces of candy. “Can ye examine this candy?” he ed. It looks queer. What's the mat- ter with it?” asked the druggist. “Pizen, Oi'm thinkin’. Did ye iver see such stuff? Dinnis McGuire gave them to me b’y, an’ Dinnis is no friend of moine.” “Well, I can make an analysis.” “All right. Oi'll come in to-morrow on me way from work.” The Irishman had reached the door, but he suddenly stopped with his hand on the latch. “And how much now will this be costin’ me?” he inquired. “Five dollars,” was the answer. The man walked over to the counter and swept the candy into the bag, which he replaced in his pocket. “Niver moind,” he said. “Or'll feed wan to the cat.”—Philadelphia Ledger. The ambitious wife of a millionaire tanner was giving a dinner party, and in the course of the meal she noticed that her husband did not talk to any of their smart guests. After it was over, and she had an opportunity, she whispered to him angrily: “Why don’t you talk?” “What's the good?” replied the tan- ner, contemptuously. “There ain't one of ’em as knows a thing about leather.”"—Royal Magazine. , This year women are said to be wearing the same kind of hats they wore sixty years ago. In some cases, a lady friend tells me, they seem to be actually the same hats.—Eve (Lon- don). Father—Hang it all, now I'll have to send for the electrician again—it sounded like a fuse blowing out.— Kasper (Stockholm). STRATEGY “Waiter, here’s half-a-crown for you.” “Thank you, sir. Do you wish to reserve a table?” “No. Ina few minutes I shall come in with two ladies, and I want “I tell you,” went on the elderly woman at the hotel, getting quite huffy, “I won't have this room. I ain't going to pay my money for a place that isn’t big enough to swing a cat, and for sleeping in one of them folding beds. I simply won't do it!” The boy could stand it no longer. “Get on in, mum,” said he, with a weary expression on his face. “This ain't your room; it’s the lift.”—Fdin- burgh Scotsman. A prisoner in court was asked the usual question — “Guilty or not guilty?” “Yes,” responded the man at the bar. “What's that?” asked the judge, sharply. “I was asked whether I was guilty or not guilty, and of course Iam! Of the two conditions I could not well escape both.” “But which are you?” “Oh, go on, judge! What’s the jury for?"—-Los Angeles Times. 23 you to tell us that every table is engaged."—Passing Show (London). Ethel—Their made the match, I believe. Tom—I thought they opposed it. Ethel—Yes, that's how they made it—Boston Transcript. parents Outraged Proprietor—What do you mean by comin’ into my place and orderin’ a dozen oysters with only threepence in your pocket? Cheerful Optimist—Well, gov’nor, you see, there is always a chance of findin’ a pearl in one of them—per- haps two.—The Winning Post Winter Annual “My dear, what is the secret of your keeping your servant so long?” “Oh, we gave her the house and moved out into the garage ourselves.” —Florida Times-Union Two-cent stamps are now being counterfeited, but marks, crowns and rubles are apparently still out of dan- ger.—Springfeld Republican. comicbooks.com