Judge — June 10, 1922 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

We Always Said So HEN I was young it was my fate to work, for paltry pay, for Ezra Piffington McSkate, who dealt in corn and hay. All day I lifted bales and sacks, my salary to make, and if I'd had a dozen backs, they'd all have had an ache. And Ezra said to me one day, “You are not worth your salt; you don't begin to earn your pay—it’s time to call a halt. I think your constitu- tion’s tired, and honest work's a bore; and so this evening sees you fired—I'll have you round no more. And if you do not mend your ways and brace up for a spell, you'll finish with the musty jays who in the poorhouse dwell.” And then I went to work for Jones, hard by the village school; each week he paid me seven bones, and worked me like a mule. Oh, I could tell some ghastly tales of all my toils and cares; I carried heavy kegs of nails up nine- teen flights of stairs. And Jones remarked, ‘You're lack- ing pep, I fear you are a shirk; you go around with languid step, your heart's not in your work. I’ve watched you closely from the first, and you have made me tired; you're only fit for wienerwurst, and now, my lad, you're fired. I see no future for a boy who doesn't like to hump; if you in labor find no joy, you're headed for the dump. It's laziness, wise men agree, that cooks a mortal’s goose, that leads him to the gallows tree, and to the hangman's noose.” So I was fired from every job, and queered in every game; men said I was an idle swab who had no wholesome By Watt Mason IttustraTion By Henry J. Peck aim. The village pastor jacked me up, and also called me down; he said Id drink the bitter cup, and in the worm- wood drown. For he had seen me heave a smile, close by the altar rail, when he discoursed in splendid style of Jonah and the whale. And so I left my native town an outcast, more or less; the old men viewed me with a frown, predicting dire distress. But soon I found a paying stunt that I could bravely do; and fortune showed a smiling front, and filled my coffers, too. And one bright morning I went back to see my native grad, and I had rubles by the sack, the kopeck and the scad. And I had moidores by the crate, and pesos I had won, and kroners by the hundred- weight, and guilders by the ton. I had all kinds of money banked, and bundles large and fat,and on my bosom diamonds clanked, and gems were on my hat. And when I walked with kingly gait along the village street, up came old Piffngton McSkate, with smiles ex- tremely sweet. “I always said you'd make a hit wherever you might wend,” said Piffington; “you must admit I al- ways was your friend.” “Well, well! You're back,” cried Jethro Jones, the cheeriest of wights; “I always said, in trumpet ones, you'd reach the shining heights!” The pastor grasped me by the hand; “My view was quite correct! I always said that you would land among the great elect!” No matter what your finish is, men cry, with lungs of brass, “We always prophesied, gee whiz, that this would come to pass!” Repulse "THE crispest thing about her Was not her organdie; It was her voice—her manner— As she said “No” to me. “And Ezra said to me one day, ‘You are not worth your salt.’”” 13 comicbooks.com