Judge — June 10, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

) * BA a aR 2 ie | Drawn by GarpNer O. REA. Sala] FF fohl| 9 Ss INN XQ \. AN Facetious Villager—Well, Hi, I hear your son’s home from college. Ha! ha! Hiram—No “ha! ha!” ‘tall; you're all wrong. He hain’t lernt th’ hands t’ sing funny songs, ner th’ cows t’ fox-trot. Since he come th’ work ain't half’s hard ez it used t’ be, an’ th’ farm’s paying twicet ez much ez it ever did! S T O R IES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. All others at regular rates. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are desired. TAKING NO CHANCES LITTLE one-horse railroad in the Province of Ontario that is noted for the non-prohibition titles of two of its stops, had a drowsy individual, who had imbibed not wisely but too well on home brew or kindred con- coctions, as a passenger one warm day in August. The brakeman, a jocular fellow, decided to give the sleeping man the full benefit of the calls when the two queerly-named stations were neared. “Brandy Creek!” he bawled at the first stop, and the tipsy one started violently, gazed about him in be- wilderment for a moment, then sub- sided again. Ten minutes later the brakeman re- turned. “Rattle Snake Harbor!” he yelled lustily. The intoxicated man jumped to his feet with a cry of fear, his eyes star- ing, and lunged for the door. “Where are you going?” asked the grinning brakeman, barring the way. “I'm goin’ to get out thish darned train before we gitsh to Delirum Tremens,” replied the passenger, ex- citedly, endeavoring to push the brakeman aside. Smith about a recent study he had been making of the psychology of the typical American street boy. It was A SUPERMAN most interesting! He emphasized the mental alertness and quickness of reaction; and to il- lustrate this point, he said: “Here comes a boy now. I will ask him some unexpected question, and we will see how he replies.” Then, just as the boy was about to pass, Professor James turned suddenly, pointed into his face and asked him: “My boy, what time is it by your feet?” And the boy replied instantly: “Don’t know, sir; my feet ain’t runnin’ to-day.” First Prize This happened at a conference of colored preachers. A visiting bishop was looking at the various examination papers, and came upon one marked 101 per cent. “See here, Brother Jones,” he asked the worthy who was con- ducting the test. “What basis does yo’ base yo’ answers on?” “100 per cent.,” advised the minister. “But how does this man come to be marked 101 per cent?” ‘Oh, yo’ see, suh,” answered SOLID BONE the darky, “he answered one ques- tion we didn’t ask!” After a block of new houses had been partly finished, the builder and his foreman went on a tour of inspec- Second Prize tion. The former left his assistant in one house and went into an adjoin- TIME! ing one, and called: The late Professor James, the great “Can you hear me, James?” psychologist, was being visited by his “Yes.” friend, Professor George Adam Smith, “Can you see me?” the noted theologian, of Edinburgh, “No.” Scotland. The builder rejoined: the foreman, As they walked along Boston streets, and remarked with a self-satisfied air: Professor James was telling Professor “Now, them’s what you can call walls.” 12 comicbooks.com