Judge — June 10, 1922 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SUGGESTION TO PARENTS Jones, being very up-to-date, rigged up the parlor sofa so that his flapper daughter and her ardent suitors would feel quite at home. Automatic Indigestion By Walt Lantz IGHT-SEEING in New York isn’t complete unless you have dined in the Automat. A meal there is lost, but not forgotten. To enjoy mess in the Automat, you should have a hat full of nickels and a pair of roller skates. It is a good joint to get rid of any old buttons, plugged nickels, or wash- ers that you may have. (Try and do it.) After having your bills diluted with nickels, focus your specs, look through glass front boxes, and decide on what style herring or other delicacy you wish to indulge in. The glass doors on the lunch boxes magnify, so that hash looks like chicken salad, sardines look like lob- sters, and beans like scallops. One woman, after dropping her nickel in the slot, sat down and waited for the music to begin. If that old line of, “Feast with thine eyes” is true, you can get an eight-course dinner in the Automat for nothin’. The place is so crowded with people carrying their own dishes, it reminds me of a waiter’s conservatory. Waiters are unnecessary here. You do everything, from dumb-waiter serv- ice to washing dishes. The food you get is so little that, by the time you get through scraping dish, it doesn’t need washing. Automatic diners must have eyes like a fox. Set your pie on table, go over to get cup of coffee, come back and pie is gone. Leave coffee to get spoon, and some one gyps coffee. To get coffee, drop buffalo in slot, and hold cup under faucet. Don’t pull cup away for fear it will overflow, as that spigot is timed to the last drop. Sugar sets in big, free-for-all bowl in the middle of floor. You are re- quested not to dip cup into bowl, or go into it above your elbows. You are never embarrassed by hav- ing to pay the check, as everyone must have hig own slugs. The bird that tells you of having had breakfast at the Ritz and lunch at the Astor is generally the guy who patronizes the Automatic lunches. Automat reminds me of nickelette “T tell yuh, Bill, there ain't near as big fish in th’ lake since prohi- bition went into effect!” museum. You don't know what you're getting until nickels drop and lights go on. Imagination By Anthony Euwer HEN she totes home a filigree For you to see—of lingerie All pinky-blue and ribbony, And purrs with cadence kitteny A honey-patter-jargony About the scrumptious bargain she Got at a teddy sale to-day— And how she only had to pay One-third of the original price (Although that thied seems more than twice The utmost worth of that wee blue And sweetly scented peek-a-boo) ; And when you see your hard-earned chink Transfused to think Of those suppressed desires that hide In your complex—unsatisfied; When you can sense the soothe that lurks In smoothing out new Billy Burkes, Or tingle with those ecstasies Born of a deftly wrought chemise, Or georgette nightie or step-in, Or camisole of crepe-de-chine— Or know one-tenth the joy she knows In satin bloomers or silk hose, Or get the snuggly feel that’s hers When ’sconced in mink or monkey furs; When you can get her kind of thrill With every new-contracted bill And chuck her on the chin and say “Go to it, Kid—we’ll find a way”; When you can do these things—the while You never lose your boyish smile, Well, then, you've got what few pos- sess— A gift of utmost loveliness That will prevail—come fair or rough! The real Imagination stuff. gee-gaws—nor once The man who watches the clock will never be the man of the hour. Drawn by Wa. FB, Soane “So the sheriff exempted ye from jury dooty on thet accident case?” “Yep. Bein’ a farmacist I don't have t’ serve.” “Wal, they want me, as the accident happened in front of my place. But ez I wuz asleep on the stoop at the time, I reckon I c’n prove a lullaby, all right!” comicbooks.com