Judge, 1922-05-27 · page 8 of 36
Judge — May 27, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Told at the Nineteenth Hole" This page collects humorous anecdotes typical of *Judge* magazine's satirical style. The title references golf's nineteenth hole—a bar where golfers tell stories. The cartoons and stories employ period stereotypes: a French maid mishears English as French, resulting in locking away a "fool" instead of preventing fire from escaping. A Baptist minister's baptism is undermined when a short man candidate must swim rather than walk. A traveling salesman drinks heavily under the guise of business entertaining. The final story features a crude racial slur in dialogue between two Black laborers about work and money. The "Bogus Floorwalker" anecdote mocks mistaken identity when a well-dressed man waiting for his wife is repeatedly approached by female shoppers assuming he works at Lord & Taylor's. These pieces target pretension, miscommunication, and social awkwardness—standard *Judge* fare satirizing American middle-class life and contemporary attitudes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE AN EXERCISE IN FRENCH RS. WILSON had a French maid who spoke Parisian French. Mrs. Wilson managed to use what French she knew on Marie. “Marie,” she said one day upon ex- cusing herself from the library and leaving her guest to browse among the books, “ne laissez pas le feu sortis” (don't let the fire go out). Whereupon Marie duly locked the library door from the outside, and the guest found himself imprisoned for two hours. When Mrs. Wilson went to the library later in the afternoon and found Mr. Thomas locked in, she demanded an explanation from Marie. In the happy manner of one who had done her duty to the fullest extent, Marie replied: “Maisoni, madame m’. dit, ‘ne laissez pas le fou sortis!’” (But madame told me, ‘Don’t let the fool go out!’”) HIS MOST AWKWARD MOMENT When a well-known Baptist minister was asked to tell what was the most awkward as well as the most amusing experi- ence he ever had at a time when solemnity should ob- tain, he said: “One Sunday afternoon I was to have an immersion in the river on the outskirts of town. A great crowd had assembled. There were two candidates for baptism. One was an extraordinarily tall woman, coming almost up to my own six-feet-three in height. The other was a little runt of a man hardly five feet tall. “When it came time for the ceremony I took the towering lady by the arm, intending to immerse her first, and told the little man to follow us. The lady and I had gone into the water Sauenan ASPsaugye WRN ALP S0ney until it was about up to our waists, when I heard very improper tittering among the spectators. Looking back to discover the cause of this untimely levity, I beheld the little candidate for baptism coming along— swimming!” AN UNSOLICITED ORDER A group of men were sitting about the writing table of a small town hotel. One was preparing his ex- pense account, and another, noticing the amounts, expressed surprise. “It’s this way,” explained the sales- man. “My business is largely socia- ble—keeping our customers enter- tained—and consequently I have to carry an expensive supply of liquor with me,” he concluded with a wink. There immediately arose a man un- steady of feet, and approaching the speaker, said: “Frien’, don’t know what you sell, and don’t care. But you can take my order right now.” LOST SOMEWHERE A gorgeously attired darkey paused beside the ditch and watched a former co-laborer perspiring freely as he threw up the dirt. ‘“Dat’s de way Ah got mah start,” he remarked cheer- fully to the worker. “Maybe ‘tis,’ replied the other, without raising his eyes, “but what did yo’ do wid it, niggah?” WAITING ON TIME Jim, the shop’s boy, was told to wind and set the clock, which was running down and also twenty minutes slow. Jim mounted a chair, and after winding the clock stood with his back to the wall. The boss, noting that Jim stood apparently contented, asked: “What are you doing, Jim?” “Did yo’ tell me to win’ de clock?” “I did; but why stand there so long “I'm waitin’ fo’ her to ketch up,” the boy replied. THE BOGUS FLOORWALKER It was August. The day was hot. Richard Wright, the editor of House and Garden, awaited his wife by ap- pointment in the entrance of Lord & Taylor’s. Dick removed his hat and, as he waited, held it behind his back. Presently a little lady hurried in: “Hosiery?” said she to Dick. “Search me!” said Dick petulantly. “Impertinent!” said the lady, and hurried off. Another followed. She wanted Dick to tell her where she might find hairpins. Dick didn’t know, of course, but now understanding that he was being taken for a floor- walker, thought it would be rather funny to send them all up to the fourth floor in the rear of the building. In this manner he con- sumed a pleasant half hour, and chuckled to himself as, in his mind’s eye, he saw a constantly growing crowd of women vituperating the floorwalker who had so fooled them. It suddenly dawned upon Dick, however, that his wife had told him to meet her that morning at the linen counter. “Jove!” said Dick to him- self, and summoning an at- tendant he asked to be di- rected to the linen counter. “Fourth floor, rear of the building,” said the attend- ant, but Dick figured he'd rather take his wife’s cen- sure for not meeting her than to face that mob of in- furiated women at the rear of the fourth floor.