Judge — May 13, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Take “Ah, Victoria, I am so tired. off my rings!"—Korsaren( Christiania). “The evangelist that’s holding the revival over tuther side of Mount t Pizgy says he'll convert every sinner around yur before he gets through,” stated an acquaintance. “H'm!” commented Gap Johnson of Rumpus Ridge. “If he does who'll be left for the rest of us to thank God we're better than?” —Kansas City Star. Professor—Now, my dear young ladies, I shall explain something that should interest all of you. It is in re- gard to resuscitation. First, let me ask what you would do in case of an emergency. Prettiest Girl in Class—Why, I'd— I'd—er—slip on a kimono.—Florida Times-Union. At the Dutch Treat Club: “Are you doing another book?” “No; just a little pamphlet, this time. It is called ‘What to do Until the Bootlegger Comes.’ ”"—Cincinnati Times-Star. “What is the value of the contents of this trunk?” asked the customs in- spector. “Which do you mean?” asked the sharp-tongued lady, “their value now or after you get through mussing them up?”—Boston Transcript. “I’m afraid, my friend,” said the lecturer, interrupting his address to point an accusing finger at a little man who was yawning in a front seat, “that you are not following me closely.” “I'm not a friend of yours,” replied the little man, truculently, “and I’m not here to listen. I’m waiting to put out the lights and lock up the hall.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. “What is your attitude toward women who smoke?” “One of successful competition,” said Mr. Grumpson. “Yes?” “When it comes to fumigating the atmosphere a cigarette is practically helpless before a well seasoned pipe that has been used regularly for sev- eral years."—Birmingham Age-Herald. The teacher was trying to impress upon her pupils the importance of do- ing right at all times, and to bring out the answer, “Bad habits,” she in- quired: “What is it that we find so easy to get into and so hard to get out of?” There was silence for a moment and then one little fellow answered, “Bed.” —Boston Transcript. “T hear you and your wife had some words last night.” “We did, but I never got around to using mine."—The American Legion Weekly. The Reporter—There’s a rumor that his lordship has passed away. Is it correct? Jackson—Quite; but I regret his lordship has nothing to say for publica- tion—Sketch (London). To keep in the middle of the road these days, a fellow would have to walk about ten feet in the air—Smith- ville (Mo.) Democrat-Herald. He came upon a friend angling in a most unprofitable stream. “Hello, Jack; what are you fishing for?” And Jack, with that same look of disgust, grunted: “That's what I'd like t’ Richmond Times-Dispatch. know!”— Somewhere or other we ran across this: “Confound you, sir,” said the gen- eral, “why don't you be careful? Here instead of addressing this letter to the intelligence officer, you have addressed it to the intelligent officer. You should know there is no such person in the army!”—Richmond Times-Dispatch. Isn't it wonderful?” THE OPTIMISTIC LADY “Yes, I can imagine the end of the world like that!”—Lustige Blaetter (Berlin).