Judge — April 29, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

== lean ay Zs NINETEENTH HOLE fa A WARM KITTEN Bobby, aged four, was contentedly stroking his cat in front of the fire- place. Soon the cat began to purr loudly, and Bobby was seen to rise suddenly and, seizing her by the tail, begin dragging her away from the fire, to the accompaniment of frantic pro- tests on the part of the cat. “You mustn’t hurt your Bobby,” said his mother. “T’ve got to get her away from this fire, mamma,” said Bobby. “She’s be- ginning to boil!” kittie, DID HE MAKE THE SALE? A book salesman for a law publish- ing house was interviewing a prospec- tive customer and endeavoring to in- terest him ina particular book of legal forms. All went well, until the salesman castually mentioned the price of the book as $18. The lawyer exploded on the spot, exclaiming: “I'll see you in hades before I'll give you $18!” Like a flash the salesman replied: “Why wait so long?” HIS JOB Sam Wheeler was a leisurely person, whose wife took in washing. A rumor got about that Sam was going to work. An inquisitive neighbor hailed him one day: “Hear you’ve got a job, Sam?” “Well, yis, John; I cal’late I’ve struck a stiddy place for the cold weather.” “What is it, Sam—choppin’?” “No, John, ’tain’t that. But I’ll tell ye if you won't tell nobody. I’m plan- nin’ ter set round the house this winter an’ make ashes!” | TWO SIDES TO IT Bill went into an insurance office with one thousand cigars. “Sir, I want to insure these cigars against the danger of fire.” “All right,” said the insurance agent. A month later Bill returned. — | | Drawn by HERMAN PALMER. “Mister,” he said, showing a handful of cigar stumps, “this is all that is left of the cigars, after they had gone through fire. You had better pay me the policy.” “And I'll have you arrested for wil- fully starting a fire,” retorted the agent. “SHRUNKED” Uncle Elzie, after a half day’s fish- ing, was owner of quite a string of good-sized fish, and was very proud of his catch. He had them in the water on a string awaiting time to go home. Fishing at the same place were a couple of mischievous boys, and noti- cing Uncle Elzie’s string they thought they would trade while he was not looking, putting a string of small fish in place of his larger ones. When Uncle Elzie was ready to go he pulled his string of fish out and looked at them, very much excited, and remarked: “If you am the fish which I caught, which you am, you sure have shrunked.” PROFANATION Adele, aged three, was traveling across the continent, and observing many new sights from the train win- dows. There were rivers and bridges and tunnels and graveyards to be ex- plained. The latter had especially im- pressed her. Later, on traversing the coaches on the way to the diner, her attention was caught by two pas- sengers intently maneuvering ivory chessmen. “Oh, mother!” whispered Adele in horror. “See those men playing a game with a cemetery!” May—Can you tell me how to restore real ivory to its natural tint? Peggy—Sure, get a shampoo at the hairdressers.