Judge — April 29, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eee The teacher of a Kansas school care- fully explained to the children that it was all right to call Archibald “Archie” while he was little, “but when he grows up what are you going to call him?” she asked. A hand went up in the back of the room. “Well, what do you say, Johnny?” “T’d call him papa,” said Johnny.— Capper’s Weekly. “°’At’s a wuthless man I’s got, Miss Jenny.” “Why don’t you get rid of him? Sue him for divorce.” “Divo’ce? You say adivo’ce? W’y, chile, a divo’ce ud cost me fifty dol- lahs, an’ Ah ain’t got no money to waste on that niggah.” — Wayside Tales. “So you are going to have your boy study law?” “Yes,” answered Farmer Corntassel. “Josh is always gettin’ into some kind o’ trouble, and instead of hiring law- yers for him I might as well teach him to pertect his ownself.”—Washington Star. Beatrice—Come home early, darling—I've got something I want to talk to you about. Benedict—I suppose that means you want to talk to me about something “Arthur will never be a success as a literary man.” “Whatever makes you think that?” “Well, I submitted his love letters to a dozen publishers, and they all refused them,”—Weekly Telegraph (London). you haven't got?—Weekly Telegraph (London). 23 “George, how is it that your memory never fails you?” asked the senior partner of the newly-appointed junior partner. “Because I can wiggle my ears,” he said, and the boss thought the recent promotion had affected George’s mind. When the surprise had passed, the boss asked: “But what has that to do with a good memory?” “In my case plenty, for when I was a boy I was rather short and slight. but had one accomplishment which was the envy of my schoolmates— ability to wiggle my ears. I was rather good in my studies, and because of my shortness was always in a front seat. “One day Bud Wymard evolved the bright idea of making use of my ear wiggling performance. The scheme was this: When the teacher asked a question requiring a simple yes or no answer, I was to move my head for ‘no’ and wiggle my ears for ‘yes.’ “It worked, except when I was wrong it brought a call from my mis- guided schoolmates, and oftentimes a fight, which in my case generally meant a beating. So in self-defense I had to become as perfect possible by building a good memory.”—Pittsburgh Dispatch. Muriel—They went to the Lake dis- trict for their honeymoon, and Gladys was miserable. Nell—Why, what was the trouble? “Jim fell in love with the scenery.” —Buffalo Express. “That fellow quotes Shakespeare ceaselessly.” “Well, if he knows his own line of talk is trivial it isn't a bad idea to use the stuff of a better man."—Louis- ville Courier-Journal.