Judge — April 29, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

t | | Digest The Animal Protective Society asks that agents be made to mount wooden horses.—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). BACHELOR JOE STOKES, the druggist, never gets peace from his story-telling friends. Joe owns some rental property in one of the industrial districts. Things have been a bit slow in industry lately and Joe has had trouble collecting his rents. His real estate broker con- stantly was returning the word that he could not collect. “T’ll go out and collect it myself,” Mr. Stokes said, a bit peevishly—that is, if Joe ever gets that way. Anyhow, a day or two later, Joe started out on a rental collection tour. Late that afternoon he returned to his drug store. An unusual little smile was working at the corners of Joe’s mouth. “Any luck?” one of his clerks in- quired. “Any luck? Boy, you're crazy! In- stead of paying me, they borrowed money from me everywhere I went.” —Indianapolis News. Life's little complexities continue to increase. For instance, in free Ire- land it is proposed to restore the Gaelic name for Queenstown, in the county of Cork, said Gaelic name being “Cobh,” which is pronounced “Cove.” Oh, very well. Belfast, we suppose, will be something like “Woopf,” pronounced “Ouch,” and so on. But please feed the world these changes a few at a time.—Chicago Daily News. Sar << I~ a Judge—What have you to say for yourself? The officer who arrested you says you seemed to be under the influence of something when the crash came. Motorist—Your honor, you see it was like this. My wife was sitting on the back seat trying to tell me how to drive, and—and—I couldn’t turn around and listen to her and watch the street at the same time— “Oh, I see, poor man; you were driving the car under the influence of your wife—case dismissed.”—Florida Times-Union. They were talking about women friends. “Do you see Emma often?” one in- quired. “Oh, yes, quite frequently,” the other replied. “Is she happily married?” “Is she? I'll say she is. Why, that girl is so happily married she has to go to the theater for a good cry.”— Indianapolis News. “Pull yourself together, old top; it’s past midnight, and I hear your wife calling you.” “Is she calling ‘Archie’ or ‘Archi- bald’?” “Archibald.” “Then I’m not going home!"—Lon- don Mail. of the World’s Humor “I became father of a boy yester- day,” remarked the barber, gently hinting for a tip. “Well,..well,” said the customer, “here’s a:dime for the little shaver.”— New York Sun. “Is Spiffin’s daughter doing well in the movies?” “Boy, she’s a star! She’s figured in five divorces and a scandal!”—Buftalo Express. pas achs Mistress—Oh, Jane, and I told you to notice when the jam boiled over! New Maid—So I did, mum. It was a quarter past eleven!—Passing Show (London). “De man dat shouts de loudest at a camp meetin’,” said Uncle Eben, “often loses his voice by de time anybody asks him foh a subscription to build a church.”—Washington Star. For reasons of economv a certain dcowager had to part with her faithful and efficient butler. She gave him a cordial reference to a prospective em- ployer. A few days later she was annoyed to get a catechism of questions from this lady: “Was he courteous, gentle- manly, honest, and of distinguished ap- pearance?” To which she replied: “The Dow- ager Lady Blank wishes to say that if her butler owned half the virtues enumerated she would have married him herself years ago.”—Argonaut. Grimshaw—I don’t mind your asking me sensible things, but you're getting into the habit lately of handing me foolish questions. Now what do you want to know? Willie—Is it on account of the mile- stones that life is so rocky?—New York Sun. icomicbooks-com