Judge — April 22, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Uncle Josh was comfortably light- ing his pipe in the living room one evening when Aunt Maria glanced up from her knitting. “Josh,” she remarked, “do you know that next Sunday will be the twenty- fifth anniversary of our wedding?” “You don’t say so, Maria,” re- sponded Uncle Josh, pulling vigorously on his corncob pipe. “What about it?” “Nothing,” answered Aunt Maria, “only I thought maybe we ought to kill them two Rhode Island Red chickens.” “But, Maria,” demanded Uncle Josh, “how can you blame them two Rhode Island Reds for what happened twenty-five years ago?”—San Fran- cisco Star. Wife—How many fish did you catch last Saturday, George? Husband—Six, darling—all beau- ties. “I thought so. made a mistake again. That fish dealer has He's charged us for eight.’—Stray Stories. ANN The Mother (to local doctor)—I think ’Enery ’ere ‘as got the flu. Wot's it worth if I lets ‘im go aht an’ play with the other kids?—Passing Show (London). Lawyer—You say that you have known the plaintiff for fifteen years. What is his reputation for veracity? Witness—Well, it used to be pretty good, but here lately he’s been going around claiming that he made out his income tax return without any help from anybody.—New York Sun. A group of youngsters were off for the “old swimming hole.” Stopping on their way, they called for one of their pals, whose mother shortly appeared at the door. “We're goin’ swimming, Mrs. Schmidt. Can Henry come?” “No, indeed,” she asserted. “My Heine can’t go swimmin’ ’til he knows how!”—Journal of the American Med- ical Association. . “You have upset the salt! “Tell me, Irma, am I dearer to you now than I was?” “Oh, yes. Everything has gone up in price.”—Die Muskete (Vienna). “Well,” said the happy bridegroom to the minister at the conclusion of the ceremony, “how much do I owe you?” “Oh, I'll leave that to you,” was the reply. “You can better estimate the value of the service rendered.” “Suppose we postpone settlement then—say for a year. By that time I shall know whether I ought to give you one hundred dollars or nothing.” “No, no,” said the clergyman, who was a married man himself, “make it five dollars now.”—Boston Transcript. “Do you find much entertainment in detective stories?” “Lots of it,” said the man who was chuckling over the latest volume of a crime specialist. “I haven't had so many laughs in a month of Sundays. I used to be a detective.”"—Birming- ham Age-Herald. “Uncle Ned, how long have you had your freedom?” “Boss, I ain’t never had no freedom; soons as dey set me free I up an’ got married, an’ been married evah since.” —Florida Times-Union. Jack—Ma!_ Freddie’s been hurt at football! Fond Mamma—Oh, dear, dear! What does the telegram say? “Nose broken. How shall I have it set, Greek or Roman?”—London ro SUPERSTITION That means trouble.” . “Stuff and nonsense.” 1 2. 3. “Nonsense, I'd like 4. “What do you say? to tell you that you area...’ Fathead! Wretch! 25 The new maid was in many respects quite satisfactory, but the mistress had observed that Biddy in her dusting operations always missed a beautiful statue of Venus. “Biddy,” she said one day, “why don’t you dust this figure? She could stand a good dusting.” “Be jabers,” replied Biddy, “I have been thinking for a long time, ma’am, that she should be covered with some- thing.”—Baltimore News. “Doesn't it make you discontented to read about movie stars getting $2,000 a week?” “Sometimes it does,” said the citizen whose income is $3,000 a year, “but, on the other hand, it is a lot of satis- faction for me to know that I don't have to tell an inquisitive public what I eat, what I wear, how I amuse my- self in my leisure moments, and the exact state of my affections from day to day.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “So you loved and lost?” “Well, no, I didn’t lose exactly. You see, when she returned my presents, she accidentally put in some of the other fellow’s.”—St. Louis Christian Advocate. HABIT! Regrettable absent-mindedness of con- firmed strap-hanger. —Passing Show (London). “I can only understand a few words of what the court clerk says.” “He’s just a deputy. You can’t understand anything a regular clerk says.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. The rain falls alike on the just and the unjust, but the unjust are more likely to have umbrellas.—Arkansas Gazette. Ga Tyrant!”—Karikaturen (Christiania).