Judge — April 22, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Do you disapprove of women smok- ing cigarettes?” “Yes,” replied Mr. Meekton; “the experiment hasn’t worked out. Ciga- rettes don’t seem to cultivate a liking for real tobacco. The only way Hen- rietta and I can be companionable will be for her to learn to smoke a pipe.” —Washington Star. “It’s a hard life,” said the traffic policeman. “What's the trouble?” asked the genial old gentleman. “T had to call down a fashionable dame just now for violating a traffic law. The look she gave me was bad enough, but the way her poodle dog yawned in my face was positively in- sulting.”—-Birmingham Age-Herald. “T had a long talk with Cousin Jurd Lopp in town to-day,” re- lated Gap John- son of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “How did he say his folks was?” inquired Mrs. Johnson. “I plumb for- got to ask him. You see, he was telling me all about a sick dog he’s got.”—Kan- sas City Star. First Diner— That waiter is either a fool ora humorist. Second Diner — What's the matter? “TI ordered ex- tract of beef, and he brought me milk.’’— Pearson's Weekly (London). Some of the fish caught last summer are now six feet long! — St. Joseph(Mo.) SF FROM EXPERIENCE “Are you afraid to fight, you coward?” “Afraid ... I’m not afraid of you, but mother! She would whip me.” “She won’t know you have been fighting with me.” “But she will when the doctor comes around to patch you up.”—Kasper (Stockholm). A certain workman had been by rail to attend the funeral of a friend. Upon his return, an acquaintance accosted him. “How did you get on?” “Well,” replied the mourner, “I did rather badly going out, but I won 5s. 6d. coming back!”—London Weekly Telegraph. “T tell you, sir, Lenine and Trotzky are real statesmen!” squalled the gent who needed soap, water, sense, a beat- ing and jail cell. “Certainly!” replied J. Fuller Gloom. “The mess they have made of Russia proves them to be thoroughly qualified Hons.”—Kansas City Star. “How d'’yer like yer new boss, Mame?” asked one stenographer: of another on the Elevated. “Oh, he ain’t so bad, only he’s kind o’ bigoted.” “What yer mean, bigoted?” “He seems ter think that words can only be spelled in his way.”—Boston Transcript. “Thuntb Lion.”—London Mail. “A girl may find a sweetheart in an office.” “It’s a good plan, too,” declared dad. “Uh?” “Occasionally somebody knows something about those chaps.”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. “TI always feel sorry for the parents of an infant prodigy,” remarked Mr. Grumpson. “Why so?” “Unkind neighbors jump at the op- portunity to wonder where he got his brains.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “Ah suttinly is glad to see yo’ out of dat horspittle, Sam. What done happen to yo’ in dar?” “Ah done had mah bones X-rayed.” “An’ Ah bets a five-spot dey was loaded.”—Pickup. Gramercy—I figured that when hc separated from his wife he’d have the car and she’d take the dogs. Park—He couldn’t get her to agree to that. She said she must have the car to give the dogs an airing—New York Sun. “The advent of a national figure in the movie world,” says a local com- mentator on Will Hays’ transmogri- fication, “may presage a_ radical change.” Note the archaic verb “presage.” “Press agent” is the modern form.— Chicago News. Saw a pretty good motto the other day for use in these first days of 1922. It said: “Quiturbelliakin.”—California (Mo.) Democrat.