Judge — April 22, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“What does young Bjinks mean by sending me one carnation a day, right along?” “Why, don’t you know? He’s say- ing it with flowers, and he stutters.”— Oral Hygiene. “IT want to tell a girl that I love her, but I don’t know how to begin,” a young man writes to a newspaper. “You must get a firm grip on yourself and go ahead,” he is advised. Why not get a grip on the girl?—Boston Transcript. “Did you have much success with ‘Better English week’ in Chiggerville?” “No,” said the editor of the Chigger- ville Clarion. “Our millionaire is a self-made man, and he seemed to take it as a personal affront.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Employer—Is it true that when the clock strikes six you put down your pen and go, even if you are in the middle of a word? Clerk—Certainly not, sir. When it gets so near to six as that I never begin the word at all—Chicago Her- ald. “A moron is a grown-up person who is more or less like a child.” “T have been told so,” said Miss Cayenne. “Would you call a mature lady who wore very short dresses a moron?” “No. I'd call her a more-off.”"— Washington Star. “This is the only woman who is wax in my hands.” —Der Brummer (Berlin). “You had a $40 gas bill last month,” said the dry agent. “The wife—has—er—been doing a little canning,” said the home distiller. “Hum. I want to sample some of the stuff.” “Wife,” called the home distiller, in quavering tones, “open a can of salmon for the gentleman.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. “A woman likes to tell her troubles.” “Yes?” “And a man his successes.” “Well, listening to either is con- siderable of a bore.”—Florida Times- Union. Will—I've found a wonderful den- tist. Every time he extracts a tooth he gives his patient a drink to stimu- late him. Then what are you so gloomy did he run out of hootch? “T understand you had some words with your landlord.” “I called him a robber,” said Mr. Gadspur. “And what did he say to that?” “Tl probably never know. The telephone is a great convenience when you want to have the last word.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. It was in a court of law, and a wit- ness was being cross-examined. Counsel—Why do you assert that the plaintiff is insane? Witness—Because he goes about de- claring he is the Prophet Mohammed. Counsel—And do you consider that clear proof of his insanity? Witness—I do. Counsel—Why? “Because,” answered the witness, with a complacent smile, “I am the Prophet Mohammed myself.”—Edin- burgh Scotsman. a sda atlantic Visitor—Say, mister, that’s some electric fan you’ve got for cooling your cows!—Passing Show ondon). 23