Judge — April 22, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wi Irrepressible. Joyous, “They ought to make a good couple.” “Why?” “Well, he’s a young blade and she’s a keen woman.”—Columbia Jester. THE TOUCH I WROTE to dad for money, and he answered, “Dearest Sonny, Do you realize you’re spending lots of jack?” I replied, “Your’ protest’s nil; takes lots of Jack to keep my Jill!” (What think you of the answer I sent back?) —Chicago Phoenix. RATHER EXPENSIVE Following the marriage ceremony, the groom called the minister aside and inquired the price of the service. “Well,” said the minister, “you may pay me whatever it’s worth to you.” “Be reasonable!” groaned the groom. “This woman inherits a million dollars on her twenty-first birthday.”—Cali- fornia Pelican. EXPERIENTIA MATER SAPIEN- TIAE EST Prof. Redmond (puffing the results obtained from the inflection of the voice)—Did I ever tell you the story of the actor who could read a menu so as to make his audience weep? Freshman (strangely moved)—He must have read the prices—New York Mercury. A TAKING GIRL HE took my hand in sheltered nooks, took my candy and my books; took that lustrous wrap of fur, took those gloves I bought for her; took my words of love and care, took my flowers, rich and rare; took—I must confess—my eye, took my kisses—maid so shy— took my time for quite a while, took my ring with tender smile; took whatever I would buy, And then— took the other guy. ~Michigan Gargoyle. She She She She She She She She She She She @ Newlywed—I’m going to the club to-night, and won’t be back until late. She—Wake me up when you come back; I can’t sleep a wink when you're gone.—Chicago Phoenix. GIRLS A LOVELY girl Is Janice Huff, She never says “Dontstartthatstuff!” A gorgeous girl Is Helen Dunn, She never says “Aintwegotfun!” —Californian Pelican. AGREED Freshman—Er—tell me, old bean, what was your reason for coming to college? Froshman—Same as yours. “But I haven’t any reason.” “Same here.”-—Chicago Phoenix, 21 th the College Wits Irresponsible THEY'RE SOMETIMES IN THE WAY Jack—Well, what’s the idea of cut- ting it off now when it took you so long to grow it? Bill—Of course you saw me catch Gladys under the mistletoe during the last dance. “Oh! wouldn’t she kiss you on ac- count of it?” “Not exactly, but she became so un- conscious that she lost her gum in it.” —Boston Beanpot. FROM HIS HEART A young man of rather serious turn endeavored to involve his recently married professor in a theological dis- cussion. “Professor,” he asked, “do you not believe in infant damnation?” “I believe in it,” said the professor, “only at night.”—Johns Hopkins Black and Blue Jay. DESTINY An upper classman said to a Fresh- man girl, “Stay away from that fel- low. He’s clever and wicked, and not at all the sort for you.” The devil made another notch on the handle of his pitchfork.—Grinnell Malteaser. Nothing Stirring. —Dartmouth Jack o’ Lantern.