Judge — April 15, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“I told him to his face that I didn’t want to see him any more.” “What did he say?” “Nothing. Little Bess had been naughty and had been severely punished by her mother, and told that she might ex- pect another dose from her father when he came home. In a few min- utes her crying ceased, and she rose with a determined look upon her little face and seized her hat. “Where are you going?” asked her mother. “Out to tell all the family secrets to the neighbors,” said the child firmly. —Boston Transcript. Sherlock and the faithful Watson were strolling down Piccadilly. “There’s a woman in very short skirts just behind us, my dear doctor,” murmured the great detective. “Marvelous!” enthused Watson, after he had corroborated the state- ment by a glance behind. “How in the world did you ever know without turning your head?” “Purely elementary, dear old fel- low. I merely observed the faces of the people who are walking toward us."—American Legion Weekly. Spring Pests: 1. The fellow who wants the window open, and (b) the fellow who wants the window closed. 2. The fellow who wants the door open, and (b) the fellow who wants the door closed. 3. The fellow who wears his summer thingamajiggers all the year, and (b) the fellow who wears red flannels up to May. 4. Housecleaning. — Richmond Times-Dispatch. “How's the new baby? Last I heard you wanted to call her Pearl and her ma was holding out for Ruby.” “And her grandma wanted to name her Opal.” “Well, how did it come out?” “Ignored nobody and satisfied every- body.” “Eh?” “Called her Jewel.” — Louisville Courier-Journal. He turned out the light.”—Kasper (Stockholm). It was during the impaneling of a jury; the following colloquy occurred: “You are a property holder?” “Yes, your honor.” “Married or single?” “I have been married for five years, your honor.” “Have you formed or expressed any opinion?” “Not for five years, your honor.”— Journal of the American Medical As- sociation. Fisherwoman—Don’t you want to buy some fine crabs, sir? Look— they’re all alive. Summer Boarder—Yes, but are they fresh?—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). “You are a beautiful girl, and I hope you think I am sincere.” “I can’t help thinking you are sin- cere when you talk like that.”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. “You're some prophet, you are!” snarled the grouchy man. “What’s the matter?” friend. “The matter is that tip you gave me about your candidate having a walk- over. Some tip! I must say. You told me I could bet my shirt on it.” “And did you?” “I did, thanks to you.”. “Well, then, what are you kicking about?” said his friend optimistically. “See what you'll save in laundry bills.” —Boston Transcript. asked his “What kind of orator is Senator Snorthsworthy?” “He's about the average speaker.” “Yes?” “If he hasn’t anything in particular to talk about he may discourse for an hour and a half, but if he has a mes- sage to deliver he can get it out of his system in thirty minutes.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. “He thought he was a statesman, so we sent him to Congress.” “Does he fill the mantle of Clay or the shoes of Webster?” “Naw, all he fills is the former vacancy.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. “They have made wonderful im- provements in the automobile.” “Yes, but there still is one important feature they need that they haven't got.” “What is that?” “They need to make them so they will shy at railroads the way the horses used to.”—Milwaukee Sentinel. “Tt seems the courts can do any- thing nowadays.” “How come?” “They just arraigned a deaf man, and the judge asked him when he would like to have his hearing.”—Buffalo Ex- {| . Retired Butcher—Well, I reckon we’ve done them Robinsons in the eye this time, Emmar—them and their tiger-skin rug!"—Passing Show (London). 24