Judge, 1922-04-01 · page 9 of 36
Judge — April 1, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Told at the Nineteenth Hole" - Judge Magazine This page presents three humorous anecdotes told by golfers at the nineteenth hole (the clubhouse). **"Some Cure!"** mocks a doctor's assistant who, asked to help with a "gymkhana" (a British athletic event), mishears it as a medical condition and prescribes a mustard poultice—absurd medical advice for a social event. **"Upholding the Dignity"** satirizes Chinese servants' formality. A butler refuses to accept a visiting card shared by three men, declaring "Three piecee man, one piecee card? No can do!"—maintaining household dignity through rigid protocol. **"Good to Her"** features a Black cook boasting her husband's generosity because he bought her a Victrola (record player) she's still paying for—gentle humor about modest working-class aspirations. The bottom section offers golf etiquette: smooth sand trap marks to avoid accusations of letting pigs root there—a joking warning about maintaining course standards.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE SOME CURE! “THE doctor was going away for a day’s outing, so left instructions with his assistant to carry on as best he could till the doctor’s return, adding that he did not expect anything at all serious was likely to require his atten- tion, and that he himself would be back that evening. Everything went well during the forenoon, and the assistant was be- ginning to enjoy a quiet afternoon in the doctor’s study, when suddenly the telephone bell rang. “Hello! Is the doctor in? May I speak to him?” came in sweet feminine tones over the wire. “I am sorry, madam; he is out at present,” replied the assistant; “but perhaps I may be of use to you?” “Oh! Is that you, Dr. Brown? It is most unfortunate that the doctor himself isn’t in. I am speaking on behalf of Mrs. Thompson, and it is rather important,” replied the lady at the other end. Drawn by RENE CLARKE. After playing from a sand trap, don’t leave without smoothing your marks. “Then, can I take a message for him when he returns?” replied the obse- quious Dr. Brown. “Well,” replied she, “tell the doctor immediately on his return that Mrs. Thompson has a gymkhana coming on, and she wonders if he could do any- thing for it.” “Certainly, certainly,” replied the resourceful assistant. “I'll tell the doctor the moment he returns; and, in the meantime, tell her to put a mustard poultice on it, and renew every two hours.” UPHOLDING THE DIGNITY Chinese servants in the employ of Europeans in the Orient are very keen on maintaining the dignity of the household. Some years ago three young Ameri- cans traveling in the East had been entertained at dinner at the house of an Englishman living in Shanghai. Walking out the Bubbling Well Road a day or so later they passed his ETIQUETTE FOR GOLFERS 7 house and decided that it was an ex- cellent opportunity to pay their bread and butter call. In answer to their ring, a very pompous Chinese butler announced that their hostess was not at home. It so happened that only one of them had with him a visiting card, and the other two wrote their names under- neath his and handed it to the serv- ant. The Oriental took hold of it by the corner, much as one would pick up a very dirty rag, and then solemnly handed it back, exclaiming: “How fashion? Three piecee man, one piecee card? No can do!” GOOD TO HER Dinah, the cook, informed her mis- tress that she was married. “Will he be good to you and support you?” her mistress asked. “Oh, yes, mum; he sure will. Last Christmas he gave me a Victrola, an’ I’se mos’ got it paid for.” This practice may save the green keeper from being accused of surreptitiously using the club’s valuable property for raising pigs. comicbooks.com