Judge — April 1, 1922 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

or Italy, we are patience on a monument. Yet, neither Diaz nor Bolivar nor Garibaldi were ever suspected of red polls. The closest approach to red in the lot was the Garibaldian shirt. And yet this country, which is sup- posed to be slimy with self-interest, which is commonly supposed to have no temperature not superinduced by a hard iron dollar, is accused by a smart professor in Harvard of having a red-headed father. Maybe so; but, aside from his red-headed language, which sometimes rose to the boiling point, what did Washington ever do to prove his red hair? He was a deliberate man. His love affairs were temperate, indigenous and well considered. His policies were safe and sane—quite Hardingesque in their placid simplicity. Jefferson is easily proved to be red- headed; Lfncoln’s whole career gives off the red glow of the sanguine temperament, which makes his red hair seem plausible and convincing. But George Washington sud- denly appearing to posterity with a red head seems as incongruous as though the Statue of Liberty suddenly should roll her stockings and begin to shimmy with all her might and main. “THE FIRST YEAR” RESIDENT HARDING seems to be an easy man to get along with. He has gone through his first year with but one resignation from his Cabinet. Yet the year had hardly rounded itself out before it was whispered that there would be another resignation, and that Secre- tary Fall of the Interior Department would take his doll rags and go back to New Mexico, possibly using New Mexico as a coaling station for the United States Supreme Court, or as they say in politics, for something equally good! A President rarely goes through his first year with- out a row with some member of his Cabinet, and President Harding has proved himself to be an exceptionally equable man; bland, suave, gentle, kind, with a great belief that all men can agree with one another if they will get around a table and look into each other’s eyes and- hear each other's voices. That is why he has had such success with the Senate, and has held his Cabinet practically in- tact. If Secretary of the Interior Fall goes it will be only because he is an extremist who does not represent the average political opinion of his party, as, for instance, Hughes, Hoover, Wallace, and Davis represent the aver- age Republican. Fall is a conservative, a conservative with even reactionary tendencies. His place in the Cabinet has marked the extreme right outpost of the Administra- tion forces. Fall believes in a strong hand in Mexico. And the watchful waiting policy which President Harding has taken over from the last Administration irks the Secre- tary of the Interior beyond words. Fall believes in the isolation of the United States. And the policy of con- ference following upon conference, building up an international govern- ment without constitution or by-laws, is a sharp stick driven into the innards of the New Mexican member of the Cabinet which gives him unspeakable pain. Fall believes in getting the Gov- ernment out of business, and business out of the Government. And the Ad- ministration’s line-up with the agricul- tural bloc in a number of its measures, measures which Senator Fall has de- nounced time and again as Socialistic measures, makes Senator Fall feel like a stepchild at the party. A serious business is this governing of a sovereign people. To do it successfully one has to move much further and faster than one does as a United States Senator. One has to accept measures and promul- gate doctrines as a President which, as occasionally in his family is found a man like Fall, who makes a wry face; who, indeed, may go out into the garden to pout and eat worms. If Senator Fall goes, he goes. The world will move on without him. Those who believe the world was going back, or that it was about to stand still, when the new Administration came in a year ago, are due for a fairly rough voyage. To be forever picking up the spilled beans of yesterday's hope is the punishment which the high gods put upon man for letting moss grow upon his convictions. A sad punishment; Secretary Fall should keep his mind fixed upon Secretary Ballinger. It might be worse; but not much worse. THE DAY WE CELEBRATE ERE it is again, our great national feast; not the Fourth of July, not Memorial Day, not Thanksgiving or Columbus Day, but April Fools’ Day, the one day in which all Americans can join together in praise of their patron saints. If there is one day in all the year when Congress should adjourn, out of respect to its own hal- lucinations, it is April Fools’ Day. Every day will be Sunday by and by, and every day is All Fools’ Day in Congress. Congress should have no monopoly upon the celebration of the blessed day. Business has its inning also. The commerce of any nation which permits bank- ruptcy and stagnation in food products in one part of the country, and high prices and under-feeding in another part of the country, has its valid claim on the patron saint of All Fools’ Day. American commerce and American Congress go hand in hand down the primrose path on this day when we celebrate our consecration to the national bughouse. Again, there is no reason why business and politics feel that they are called upon alone to celebrate the glorious day. They might as well make room for religion, and the trinity, business, politics and religion, join hands and go jazzing across the land. For religion is filling the churches with movies and vaudeville of one sort or another to the neglect of the old-fashioned gospel of applied brotherhood in a world where only applied brother- hood will solve the great problems that are pressing upon humanity for solution. What a trinity of follies: Politics {full of bickerings, jealousy, and caterwauling, business full of blowholes and greed and the neglect of the essential, economic interests of the country, and religion full of a cheap pandering to the sensualities and sentimentalities of a thoughtless people, while a weary world is blindly groping for guidance, help and comfort in one of the great- est crises in human history. And here is this America— the land above all other that is equipped by reason of its strength of body, of mind and heart to lead the world, frankly given over to a vast and miserable pettifoggery in every great line of human endeavor. All hail the thanes of folly! ‘Who shall be king hereafter!” a public man speaking on the Chautau- qua platform, would have made him throw up his very shoes with nausea. Our beloved President is taking his doctrinal medicine and political treacle with a sweet and amiable smile, but 19 DOES First Bookkeeper—Yes, she’s a very successful saleswoman. Second Bookkeeper—What's her line? “Hosiery.” ADVERTISING PAY?