Judge — March 25, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Your honor, I was not intoxicated.” “But this officer says you were try- ing to climb a lamp post.” “I was, your honor. A couple of cerise crocodiles had been following me around all day, and I don’t mind telling you that they were getting on my nerves.”—Birmingham Age-Her- ald. Jimmy, somewhat of a braggart, was telling his father and mother of his experiences while out camping. “And all at once I stepped right on a big rattlesnake,” he began. “How did you know it was a rattlesnake, Jimmy?” asked his father skeptically. “I could hear its teeth chatter- ing the minute it saw me.” — American Legion Weekly. Jones—Our landlord must put some- thing else instead of steam in our radiators. Smith—What do you think it is? “I dunno, but it sounds like cracked ice."—-New York Sun. “I suppose it must be just a coin- cidence,” said Mr. Bibbles, “but it looks queer.” “Yes?” “My favorite bootlegger hardly quits the premises after paying one of his tri-weekly visits before Jagsby drops in for a friendly chat and remarks in hollow tones that he’s feeling a trifle under the weather.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. “You look dejected.” “Yes, married life gets on my nerves.” “Been married long?” “No. The wedding takes place to- morrow.’ —American Legion Weekly. “Do you dance waltzes?” “No. I don't collect antiquities.”— Der Brummer (Berlin). A little boy repeatedly arrived late at school. One day the headmaster said to him, “Next time you are late I'd like you to bring an excuse from your father.” “I don’t want to bring an excuse from father,” said the boy. “Why not?” “He’s no good at them. Mother always finds him out.”—Stray Stories. First Barber—Nasty cut you've given that old gent, Bill. Second Ditto—Yes. I'm courtin’ his ‘ousemaid—that's to let ‘er know I can see ‘er Tuesday night!—The Passing Show (London). His Better Half (regarding him from the bedroom window)—Where you been this hour of the night? “T’ve been at me union consider- in’ the strike.” “Well, you can stay down there an’ consider this lockout.”—Chi- cago Herald and Examiner. A woman who answered to the call of “Grandma” disregarded the dignity of the circuit court in Terra Haute recently, spoke her mind to Judge John P. Jeffries and “got away with it.” A divorce case was before Judge Jeffries two months ago. The court then refused to grant an allowance of $40 a month. On granting the divorce Wednesday, Judge Jeffries recalled her statement at the previous hearing. Leaning over the bench he said: “Now, Grandma. you take back your statement that I was ‘bought’ on the former decision, don’t you?” “No, sir; I thank you for what you have done to-day, but I'll always think that you were paid the other time,” she replied. It was either contempt of court or the judge's time to laugh. He laughed. —Indianapolis News. “There seems to be no practical penalty for the bootlegger.” “Well,” replied Senator Sorghum, “he’s at least deprived of the privilege of writing pieces for the paper and signing them ‘Taxpayer.’ "—Washing- ton Star. Hornblower—Sure, I'll lend you my saxophone. Anything to oblige a neighbor. But can you play it? Nexdore—No, I can’t play it, and you can’t either till I return it— Houston Post. aunt?