Judge — March 25, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

lle ant ar; len us- re- his rou ys “You admit you were speeding?” “Yes, your honor.” “A frank confession goes a long way in this court. What excuse have you for exceeding the speed limit?” “A man in a little old rattletrap flivver drove up behind me and bawled to me to get out of the way and let somebody use the street who could get more out of one cylinder than I could get out of si “Umph! I do a little motoring myself. I'll let you off with the minimum fine this time.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. Bibb—Does he live in harmony with his neighbor? Babb—Never; his phonograph is full of wheezes and his piano hasn’t been tuned for years.—New York Sun. “Dearest,” said the groom, “do you love me with all your heart?” “Why do you ask, love?” she in- quired. “Are you broke already?”— Richmond Times-Dispatch. “Are you still dreaming of owning a little home in the country?” “No,” said Mr. Gadder. “We in- vested the money we'd saved up in a motor car. Now we can go out ona Sunday afternoon and raise such a dust that the people who own little homes in the country wish they were back in town.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Sy Weed “Isn't it awfully cold at nights now?” “I have to tell you, Miss, that it will need five years of intensive train- ing before you can sing as well as you think you can now.”—Sondags Nisse (Stockholm). “Did your late employer give you a testimonial, Jack?” “Yes, Tom. But the way employers look at it when I apply for a job makes one think there’s something wrong with it.” “What does it say, then?” “Why, he said I was one of the best men his firm had ever turned out."— London Telegraph “Here comes Mrs. Gabbins. I think I'll have Nora tell her I'm out.” “Won't the still, small voice of con- science reproach you?” “Yes, but I'd rather listen to the still, small voice than to hers.”— Boston Transcript. . “Your rival hamlet of Peeweecuddy- hump did not look very lively when I was there yesterday,” commented a recently arrived guest. “No, I s’pose not,” replied the land- lord of the tavern at Grudge. “I under- stand them folks over there have mostly dug in for the winter.”—Kansas City Star. “Do you think you can support my daughter in the style to which she has been accustomed?” “I don’t know sir, but I can cer- tainly save you fifty per cent of her present cost to you.”—Boston Tran- script. A North side matron recently gave a party in honor of her little twin sons. In discussing the party the mother said: “Just think, it is four years since you boys came to our home, and I only expected one of you!” Instantly the twins inquired to- gether: “Which one of us did you cxpect?” —Youngstown Telegram “Yes. I have so many blankets on my bed that I have to have a book-marker to see where to get in!"—London Mail.