Judge — March 25, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Crepe Contrasts. —London Opinion. “BLUFFERS and braggarts,” said Chairman Lasker of the Ship- ping Board, “always give themselves away. “These men, whether they're buy- ing ships or promoting gold mines, give themselves away in the end as naively as the cook. “Her mistress, entering the kitchen one day, found the cook busy with paper and pen. “‘Why, Snowdrop,’ she said, ‘I didn’t know you could write!” “*Yas’m,’ said Snowdrop compla- cently. ‘Yas’m, Ah writes all mah own rac-mendations.”"—Detroit Free Press. “Madam, since you are looking at things for your living room and for your boudoir, could I show you one of our new escritoires?” “Thank you, no. There’s no body at our house who could play on it, any- way.” —Retail Ledger, Philadelphia. “I don’t hear Brown complaining about his wife as he used to.” “No; you see, he visited his old home town last summer and saw the girl he had been dreaming about and talking about for the past twenty years.”— Boston Transcript. “They say a rolling stone gathers no moss,” quoth she. “Maybe not, but I never saw a tramp yet who didn’t need a shave,” he replied—New York Sun. “Why did Sam Fagg join the Holy Rollers?” asked a friend. “No idy,” returned the gaunt Mis- sourian, “unless he "lowed he needed the exercise.’—Kansas City Star. the World's Humor Donald MacTavish lay a-dying. He had been all day about it, and his wife, who had watched with patient expect- ancy since early morn, began to feel the call of her neglected household duties. “Aweel, Don,” she said, as she moved the light to the table by his bed, “I mus’ gang along to the kitchen the noo. Ye'll no be takin’ yer departure afore I come back. But if ye should, ye’ll not forget to blow out the candle afore ye dee, will ye?”—Pictorial Re- view. “I want,” said the very plain girl, “a book entitled ‘Cultivate Your Nat- ural Beauty.’ ” “Here it is,” said wanted to be sociable. ting it for a friend?” And the very plain girl put her purse back into her bag and went right out.— Philadelphia Retail Ledger. the clerk, who “Are you get- Fishmonger—Fresh. Why, ma’am, that fish breathed its last when it saw yer coming! Customer (sniffing) —And wot a breath it had!—Answers (London). “You're a genius! Ever had to work on an empty stomach?” “My dear, I’m a sculptor, not a tatoo artist."—London Mail. 22 “Ma,” I have a pencil? letter.” “You won't need a pencil, dear,” she replied. “I left a pen and ink for you to do your lessons with right on the table.” The boy hesitated a minute. “Ma,” he began again, “don’t you think the Mail is a good paper?” “Why, of course, I do,” she an- swered in astonishment; “but what—” “Well, you see,” the lad explained, “I want a pencil to write to the editor and ask him what'll take ink stains out of a carpet.”—Detroit Free Press. an Old General Depression Himself. —Passing Show (London). requested a small boy, “kin I wanna write a “You have been very successful in politics,” said the admiring friend. “I don’t know,” said Senator Sor- ghum, doubtfully. “I have participated prominently in legislatures and conven tions. But i am still waiting for somebody to make me a large offer to go into the movies.”—Washington Star. “Where are you going?” “To sit up with a sick friend.” “Heh?” “He has a case of beer.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. The first thing some people want when they get a little money is a car; then the first thing they want when they get a car is a little money.— American Lumberman. When a woman has an ornery hus- band, there are reasons why she pre- fers a broom to a vacuum cleaner.— Miami Herald. “Mamma,” said little Fred, “this catechism is awfully hard. Can’t you get me a kittychism?”—Baptist Boys and Girls.