Judge — March 11, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Artist—I’ve carried that joke over fifty miles to show you, sir. Editor—Well, all I say is that you’ve carried the joke too far.—Pearson’s Weekly (London). “Mum-mum-Mister Johnson,” stam- mered young Sankey Spink. “I want to mum-marry your daughter, Zanza- line. I’m not good enough for her, but—” “You're dead safe in telling that to me,” interrupted Gap Johnson of Rum- pus Ridge, Ark., “but don’t let her maw hear you say it. When I was courting the girl that is my present wife I told her mother that I wasn’t good enough for her daughter, and b’dogged if she didn’t believe me, and has been a-mentioning of it ever—p-tu —since.”—Kansas City Star. If appearances do not deceive us, the thing that is causing most discon- tent at the present time is the shortage of $6,000 a year jobs with very little work attached to them.— Houston Post. “TI can’t play ‘Macbeth’ before twenty people,” said the famished tragedian. “Think about your art,” said his manager, soothingly. “I cannot even do that,” replied the star, with a tragic gesture. “A stage hand is eating a ‘hot dog’ in the wings.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Peck—On the day on which my wed- ding occurred— Heck (interrupting)—You'll pardon me, old man, but calamities “occur.” Marriages, balls and receptions “take place.” “That being the distinction, we'll let what I said stand.”—Boston Tran- script. A good many of our citizens will wonder at the superfluous energy of the Federal Government in preparing and issuing a pamphlet on “How to Keep Your Cellar Dry.”—Louisville Times. “Never ask a girl for the makings.” “Why not?” “Too careless. Get their tobacco all mixed up with face powder and lip rouge.”—Louisville Courier-Jour- nal. “Why, man alive, there are millions in it. It will be like taking candy from a baby to get the public’s money with this scheme.” “Ah, there you hit its weak spot. When you take candy from a baby, the baby generally puts up a mighty dis- agreeable howl.”—Boston Transcript. One way to make a woman happy is to envy her. No one knows real monotony like the wife who has finally succeeded in reforming her husband, No woman is so angelic as to prefer a halo to a hat.—London Opinion. “You didn’t take that divorce case?” “No. When I asked my fair visitor what grounds she had for seeking a divorce from her husband she said she’d met another man who was a ‘per- fect dear.’” “Umph!” “TI flatter myself that I’m a pretty fair lawyer, but I didn’t see how I could go into court and argue a case like that.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. ti | 4 “That young man says he’s tired of asking you to marry him, only to be refused.” “I’m sorry to hear it,” replied Miss Cayenne. “Proposing is about the only interesting thing he does in a conver- sational way "—Washington Star. “Is this a genuine antique?” “Yes, ma'am,” said the veracious dealer. “A queen has sat in that chair.” “T’ll take it.” “What queen were you talking about?” asked the dealer's assistant when the customer had departed. “I don’t know her name, but she was in here yesterday looking around, and I'll tell the world she was a queen.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. “You are quick at repartee,” said the admiring youth. “T hope not,” replied Miss Cayenne. “Women who are quick at repartee usually betray dispositions which leave them slow to marry.”—Washington Star. ||| i Drawn by Thomas Henry. Old Lady—Dear me—has the little boy bumped his head? Little Girl—No, ’m; we was singin’ outside a ’ouse an’ someone emptied a water-jug on ’im. Old Lady—But how did he get that bump? Little Girl—That was it, ’m—the water was froze!—Passing Show (Lon- don). 24