Judge — March 11, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“It is all right for the telephone staff to work eight hours and to sleep eight hours, but I don’t think it right for them to do the two simultane- ously.” — Kasper (Stockholm). Digest of the World’s Humor “VV ERENT you encouraged by the manner in which your audi- ence applauded?” “Not much,” admitted Senator Sor- ghum. “A lot of those folks will go downtown to-night and cheer just as hard at a vaudeville show.”—Washing- ton Star. “I play golf because it keeps me fit.” “Yes, but fit for what?” “Oh, more golf.”—Kansas City Star. Mrs. Jones—Yes, Larry stayed over in England after the war. He works in a butterine factory now and gets £30 a month. Mrs. Sylvester — Thirty pounds a month? What does he do with it? He can’t eat all that!—Detroit News. “Can I live to be a hundred, doctor?” “How old are you?” “Fifty.” “Do you drink?” “No!” “Do you smoke?” “No!” “Do you gamble?” “No!” “Have you any vices?” “No!” “Then why do you want to live to be 100?”—Karikaturen (Christiania). While a business man was conferring with a banker in the latter’s office, a clerk brought in a number of checks which the banker, continuing the dis- cussion with his visitor, began hastily to sign. After watching him a few moments, the business man observed: “You’ve got pretty good nerve— signing those cheks without looking at the amounts of vouchers.” “Good heavens!” replied the banker, horrified. “Were those checks? I thought they were affidavits.”—Harp- er’s Magazine. The owner of a car of doubtful vintage ultimately concluded that it needed overhauling. After the garage man walked around it a couple of times, he remarked, “That’s a good horn you have. Let’s jack it up and run a new car under it.” — American Mutual Magazine. “It is said,” began Professor Pate, “that there are but ten men in the world who understand the Einstein theory—” “Very likely,” impolitely interrupted J. Fuller Gloom, “but the several thou- sands who wish the rest of us tu be- lieve they understand it are just as tiresome bores as the ten who do un- derstand it.’—Kansas City Star. “Is your cook going to stay?” “It happens quite by accident, plied Mrs. Crosslots, “that she is. “How do you mean ‘by accident’?” “She dropped a hot stove lid on her foot and can’t travel.”—Washington Star. “You used to cook for Mrs. Gad- der?” asked Mrs. Glipping. “Yes, mum.” “Does that woman ever stay at home?” “Well, mum, now that’s queer. You’re askin’ me the same question poor Mr. Gadder used to come back in the kitchen an’ ask me two or three times a week, an’ I sez to you as I sez to him, she never do.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. 21 Mrs. Youngwedd — And how long must you be away, dear? Youngwedd—About two weeks. “Well, I think I'll learn to cook while you are absent.” “That’s a good idea. And I'll take the dog over and leave him with one of the neighbors.”—Boston Transcript. The Editor—What’s wrong with our report? I wrote it myself and said that you, being considered the fittest member, were elected president of your club. Mrs. Ponderous—The paper says “the fattest member.”—Detroit News. A dub golfer was hiring a caddie. “Can you count?” he asked. “Yessir,” said the boy. “Can you add up?” “Yessir.” “Well, what’s five and seven and four?” “Twelve, sir.” “Come along,” said the golfer, “you'll do.”"—Detroit Free Press. — 2 a] “Can I have a dance, Miss?” “Yes. No. 14.” “Sorry, but I’m not staying until then.” “Neither am I.”—Kasper (Stock- holm.) comicbooks.com