Judge — March 11, 1922 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MY MAMMA SAYS MY MAMMA says I’ve got to wrap up tight When we go out to see a show at night, *Cause if I don’t I’m sure to catch a cold. Then why should mamma glare at me and scold And other grown-up women say I’m bold For saying to the lady next to me “You'll catch your death of cold. Just wait and see?” —New York Mercury. AND THEN HE TIRES “If a man marries a widow by the name of Elizabeth, with two children, what does he get?” “Give up.” “A second-hand Lizzie and two run- abouts.”—Cornell Widow. WHY SHE TOLD He—Why did you tell your friends that I kissed you? She—They all said you hadn’t the nerve.—Washington Ghost. THE COMPLIMENT ’22—That a picture of your girl? ’25—Yes. What do you think of it? ’22—Pretty nice frame, isn’t it?— Amherst Lord Jeff. A Dropped Kick. —Harvard Lampoon. Irrepressible, A Well-guarded Center. —Michigan Gargoyle. Are You Coming In? 'DGE’S Annual College Wits Number will be published on May 6 next. Are you going to be represented in it? All matter for this number should be in our hands early in March. All metter sub- mitted should be addressed “College Wits Editor, JUDGE, 627 West 43d Street, New York,” and must be original. All matter accepted will be paid for. And there are three trophies—handsome. silver cups—for th: best college showing, for the best literary feature, and for the best art feature. » Each contribution must bear the name, class and college of the contributor. Are you coming in? TWO LUMPS, PLEASE “What's the matter with your little brother’s eyes?” “Granulated lids; ma hit him over the head with the sugar bowl.”—Mis- souri Showme. WHO WOULDN'T? She—What would you do if a girl dared you to carry her up stairs? He—I'd be inclined to take her up.— Wisconsin Octopus. SPEED Way Kupp—What is the fastest man on record? Leigh Down—The one who turns out the light, undresses, and is in bed before the room gets dark.—Ohio Sun Dial. 20 With the College Wits Joyous, Irresponsible CLEVER BOY “Jack, do you still love me? You haven’t asked me to marry you for two weeks!” “Why, Marian, I wouldn’t ask any- body to marry me for two weeks.”— Yale Record. TIME “I haven’t seen you for a month, what have you been doing?” “Thirty days.’—Wisconsin Octopus. AT THE DANCE “Now, there’s a modest girl!” “How figure, huh; how figure?” “Why, she spent a whole summer at the beach, and look at the small-sized V she has.”—Cornell Widow. BARNYARD SCENTILOQUY ON the summer evening zephyr Comes the odor of the hephyr Plus the all-pervading perfume of the cow. On the summer twilight breezes Come reminders of the geezes, Ganders, donkeys, not to overlook the sow. It’s a strong aroma rustic, Somewhat nausish, somewhat mustic, A necessity to ev’ry rural scene. But such scent my nostrils nettles, Give me good old as-the-petals, And the solid city smell of gasolene. —Harvard Lampoon. Passing Final Exams. —Washington & Jefferson Wag Jag.