Judge — March 4, 1922 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hokus—Who wrote “Ten Nights in a Bar Room?” Pokus—Shakespeare. “Aren’t you thinking of ‘Twelfth Night’?” “What difference did a couple of nights more or less make in those days?”—New York Sun. “So your father is ill. I hope it is nothing contagious.” “Gee! so do I. The doctor says dad is suffering from overwork.”— Boston Transcript. Traveler—It’s a nuisance — these trains are always late. Resourceful Conductor—But, my dear sir, what would be the use of the waiting-rooms if they were on time?— Numero (Turin). “Did you find out what that sporty- lookin’ stranger was doin’ in Chig- gersville?” asked Bill Woppit, the garage man. “Nope,” said Sam Puttyfut, the leading grocer. “I ast him what his business was, an’ he said he was th’ feller who built th’ pyramids.” “A kind of architect, eh?” “Naw. I knew right off he was tryin’ to fool me. I don’t know much, but I know them things was built before th’ Civil War, which was a consider’ble time before that young whippersnapper was born.”—Biyming- ham Age-Herald. ou “Ah! Are you the man who pursues the ladies?” “Yes, that’s me—but I’m sorry I have no time for it at the moment.”— Karikaturen (Christiania). “You don’t seem to have any dif- ficulty getting your sermons printed in the paper,” said one minister to the other. “No. The trick is easy. All I have to do is to find out what a newspaper wants me to say and then I say it. The next day they use the front page to let people know that I said it.” —Detroit Free Press. Comedian—Why did you break off your engagement with the leading lady? Tragedian— Because she had the cheek to demand that her name should be printed on the wedding invitations in bigger and blacker type than mine. —London Mail. Elihu Root was cross-examining a young woman in court one day. “How old are you?” he asked. The young woman hesitated. “Don’t hesitate,” said Mr. Root. “The longer you hesitate the older you are.”—Detroit Free Press. “Be careful of that tiger!” “Oh, we are not afraid of him hurt- ing anybody.” “I know that. But I don’t want the comedian to maul him to death. Tigers cost money.” — Louisville Courier- Journal. “Henry,” said Mrs. Peckton, “there are times when I believe you regret that you ever married me.” “Say not so, my love,” replied Mr. Peckton, gloomily. ‘Nevertheless, I can’t help remembering that the train I was to have taken to keep an en- gagement with you and a preacher at a church was wrecked. Had I reached the station five minutes sooner—ah, little woman—who knows where I would be to-day?”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Mother (severely)—Bobby, you mustn’t use those naughty words! Wherever did you learn them? Bobby—From pa’s shaving, uncle’s golf, cousin Jim’s Ford and auntie’s parrot!—Passing Show (London). 25,