Judge — March 4, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of the World’s Humor Benevolent Old Gentleman—Why are you all crying, my dears? The Wait-ress—C-ryin’? We ain't c-cryin’, sir. We're s-singin’ ‘’Ail the Glad Day!’”—Tit-Bits (London). ATTACHE AKIRA DEN, of the Japanese embassy, was talking at a dinner about the outcry against the wearing of one-piece bathing suits by girls. “If a girl is a swimmer,” he said, “why shouldn’t she wear this one-piece suit? Why burden herself with a skirt and stockings when she wants to swim? “These beach censors could learn a lesson from the Japanese princess to whom a visiting Englishwoman said: ““T saw a Japanese girl bathing in a river quite naked yesterday. Is it thought modest for women to bathe naked in Japan?” “Tt is not thought immodest,’ said the princess, ‘for women to bathe naked in Japan, but it is thought very immodest to look at them when they are bathing.’ ”—Detroit Free Press “Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?” “How old are you now?” “Forty.” “Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?” “No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven’t any vices.” “Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?”— Pickup. A British cyclist rode on through the rain. He was drenched and splashed from head to foot with mud. He saw a countryman walking toward him. “How far to Riston?” he asked. “Eight miles in the other direction,” was the answer. “You're going the wrong way.” “The other way!” gasped the cyclist. “But the last signpost pointed ‘This Way to Riston.’” “Ah, that post was turned around long ago to confuse the Zeppelins,” answered the countryman with a know- ing smile.—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Tele- graph. “Give me a new novel which will go well with a sea-green tea-gown and ash-blonde hair.” — Lustige Blaetter (Berlin). “Is Chiggersville a wide-awake town?” “I used to think so,” said Squire Witherbee, sadly, “but appearances are deceivin’. A brisk stranger came through here about a week ago an’ took orders for a dozen clothes wringers at $100 apiece.” “Pretty high for clothes wringers.” “That ain’t th’ wust of it. Every one of them durned machines was guaran- teed to print $20 bills.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “Where have you been?” “Spending a few weeks at a winter hotel.” “Did it have all the comforts of home?” “Oh, yes. The food was poor, the rooms cold and the help sassy.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. 23 “You are leaving town?” “For a few days,” said the editor of the Chiggersville Clarion. “I’m the victim of an unfortunate typographical error.” “What happened?” “I was commenting on the Christmas shopping crowds and said there was a fine showing of our better halves on Main Street yesterday.” “Well?” “Nothing more, except that the printer made it ‘calves.’”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. It was foolish of Jones to make a wager that he would eat a quart of peas with a hatpin if his college foot- ball team lost their next game. But having done so he had to make good. “There’s only one thing I ask,” said he to the winner “What's that?” inquired the winner. “If you’re going to stand by and see that I eat all these peas with a hatpin I want you to admit that you won the bet and are insisting on its payment. Don’t you pretend that you are my keeper.”—Los Angeles Times. a “And why does the death of this friend affect you so deeply?” “Ah! Had I married him I should now be a _ widow.”—II Travaso (Rome).