Judge — February 18, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

nna we oe NE ee THE DOCTOR'S PRE- SCRIPTION Brown was taken with a severe cold, and Mrs. Brown sent for the doctor, who told Brown he was on the verge of pneumonia, and that he should take a good hot drink of whisky and water and go to bed “That's impossible,” Brown. “How is doctor “My wife's a prohibitionist. She won't allow a drop of liquor in the house.” “Well,” said the doctor, “you can get some sugar, can't you?” “Oh, yes; I can get all the sugar I want.” The doctor went out, and presently returned with a large bottle of whiskey. “Now,” said he, “I see you have a shav- ing-mug in your room. When I go, send this mug down to your wife; tell her you are going to shave, and ask her to send you up some hot water. When she sends it up, you mix yourself a good hot drink and go to bed, and you'll be all right in the morning.” The following morning, as the doctor turned the corner of the street, he found a crowd stand- ing in front of Brown's house, and on the stoop Brown's wife was weeping and wringing her hands. “Oh, doctor!” she cried. glad you came!” “What is the matter? patient?” “He has gone clean crazy,” she cried. “Ever since you left the house last night he’s been shaving every fifteen minutes!” said that?” asked the “I'm so How is the THE TALKING DOG A ventriloquist was relieved of his “roll” by a skillful stranger, and stranded in a strange city where he did not know a soul. As he was walk- ing along the street a small dog fol- lowed him, and would not be driven away. The dog gave him an idea. Entering an ex- pensive restaurant he seated himseli, the dog on the floor beside him, and ordered an elaborate meal. As the waiter took the order, the dog remarked: ‘Don’t you think I need something, too, Dan?” The waiter jumped, but the ventriloquist explained that this was “Jo,” the only talking dog in the world. A lamb chop was ordered for LITTLE JOURNEYS OFF THE BEATEN PATH Cane planters raising Cain amid the wondrous fields of Lallapaloosa. Jo, and he ate it with gusto, remarking that it was good, but a trifle under- done. Near the end of the dinner, the pro- prietor of the restaurant, observing the interest which the dog attracted, approached and heard him “speak.” Such a dog would be a big drawing card for his place, and he inquired if the dog was for sale. After considerable chaffering, the dog was sold for $850 cash, and the ventriloquist, procuring a string, fast- ened it about the dog’s neck and handed the loose end to the restaura- teur as he paid for his dinner and started to leave. At the door he turned, and waving his hand, said: “Well, good-bye, Joe! Be a good dog and mind your new boss.” Mr. Peck (who has just told golfer that a single player has no rights) —What's that fellow laughing at, Maria? 7 “Did you sell me to this fat guy?” inquired Jo. “Yes. That's your new boss holding the string.” “How much did you get for me, Dan?” “Eight hundred and fifty.” “What! You sold me—Jo, the only talking dog in the world—for a measly eight hun- dred and fifty? I'll never speak another word as long as I live!” THREE OF A KIND A man who had been a preacher, and later a professor of English at the Naval Aca- demy, secured a position as professor in one of the large Northern colleges. He had a long gray beard, which gave him a patriarchal appearance. While standing on the campus at the beginning of one of the scholastic periods, three freshmen came along Noting his queer appearance, and not knowing that he was one of the faculty, they thought that they would have a little fun at his expense. One of the young men greeted him: “Good morning, Father Abra- ham!” Another said: "Good morning, Father Isaac!” And the third very politely greeted him with: “Good morning, Father Jacob!” The professor replied very gently: “Iam not Father Abraham, neither am I Father Isaac nor Jacob; but I am Saul, the son of Kish. My father sent me out to search for some young asses, and lo! I have found them!” WOULDN'T MISS ANYTHING A farmer lad took his “best girl” out riding in the buggy one Sunday afternoon. After they had gone but a short distance the old horse stopped Another short distance covered, the horse stopped again. Finally, when the stopping and going process had become some- what regular, the girl's curiosity got the better of her, so she turned to her companion and inquired: “What makes your horse stop so often?” “Oh,” the farmer boy replied, “don't mind that. You see, the old mare is a little deaf, and she’s so afraid I'll say ‘whoa’ and she won't hear me that she. stops. anyhow.” comicbooks.com