Judge — February 18, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANY { fi TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH TOO LATE A youthful scenario writer with a freshly-creased diploma from a cor- respondence school dashed into the office of the director of the Far-West Movie Studio, and began: “I have just the thing for you in a novelty film. It's a story on the life of Robinson Crusoe while on the island. It calls for a very small cast and no interior sets; all outdoor effects, and can be put on for a very nominal figure. The scenario is not completed yet, but I'll have it written by Saturday, and—" “Sorry,” said the director, eagerly grasping at the opportunity of escape, “but you're too late; I have just con- tracted for a scenario on the life of Robinson Crusoe to be written by a certain man Friday.” RICHARD'S SELECTION The minister of a Presbyterian church in a small town was giving a talk during the Sunday school hour. The little folks were in a row in the first pew. Richard, aged five, was one of the number, and was always anxious to answer questions. “What shall we sing?” asked the minister. “Let one of the little folks decide.” Richard raised his chubby hand and said: “Please let's sing *‘Tipperary.’” JIM BARNES’ LIST OF TEN COMMON FAULTS OF GOLFERS Drawn by Rent CLAnKe. Standing too long over the ball until one gets rigid and strained. go 4 PLAYING IT SAFE An old Southerner wandered along a small stream and came upon a darky sitting on a foot-bridge below a small dam, his feet dangling in the water and a shot-gun thrown across his eowhat are you doing, Sambo?” “Oh, I'se got a good job, workin’ here fo’ Marse Littleton,” the darkey replied. “What are you doing?” again asked the Southerner. “I'se shootin’ mus’ rats under ‘at dam.” Whereupon a musk rat appeared under the dam. “Look, Sambo, there's one! Why don’t you shoot him?” “Oh, no, man! Do yo’ think I'se gwine tuh get out of a job?” LITTLE MABEL'S QUERY Little Mabel, eight years old, had passed much of her young life in the company of grown-ups, and had ac- quired many of their oldish ways by imitation. An elderly lady visited the aunt with whom Mabel lived. Mabel had heard the stereotyped ex- pression, “Well preserved,” used con- cerning old people. So, after this old lady took her departure, Mabel sprang a surprise upon her elders by remark- ing: “Auntie, isn’t Mrs. Brown a well- pickled old lady?” 6 MEMORY Perhaps Uncle “Ebony” Brown, of Wayback, Louisiana, suffered from failing eyesight, fading memory or a constitutional inappreciation of the rising generation. However it may have been, a younger negro, who had returned home after an absence of many years, seemed to have escaped his recollection. “T'se boun’ to say,” commented Uncle Ebony, “maybe his face seem similar, but I fails to organize him!” “Well, Uncle Ebony,” exclaimed the prodigal, in a tone of disappointment and with much resentfulness, “it's in- different to me, but I can remember myself as de one who most infrequently used to supply yo’ wid yo’ chewin’- tobacco; and den yo’ was much less reclusive wid yo’ exhuberation!” RETALIATION A father and mother wishing to punish their child for disobedience, told him he could not eat with them and must have a table for himself in the corner of the room. At meal time, when the parents were seated at the table and the boy was in the corner, they overheard the little fel- low saying grace: “O Lord, I am thankful to Thee for preparing a table before me in the presence of my ene- mies.”