Judge — February 18, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SO “I left lovey in tears,” said the young husband, frantically. “What shall | do, father?” “Send for her mother, my boy. Let the old lady settle your quarrel.” “But that would be a matter of days, you know.” “Then send for her dressmaker.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. She—Does the fact that I have money make any difference to you, dearest? He—Of course it does, my own. It is such a comfort to know that if I should die you would be provided for “But suppose I should die first?” “Then I would be provided for.” —Boston Transcript “Why don't you let your daughter assume some of your household cares? She is old enough to be a great help to you.” “Oh, she does a lot. I hardly ever have to clean up after her when she makes fudge now.”"—Washington Times. First Actor—Playwright Chapulski has a very valuable assistant in his wife. Second Actor—I didn't know that “Yes, she makes a scene every day.” —Houston Post. “Now, boy, put your dime novel away and carry this message, will you? Can't you hustle a little?” “Gezzo.” “Just imagine you are on the vil- lain’s trail."—Detroit Free Press. Our profanity expert is back from a vacation in Kansas, where, he says, he learned some new words from farmers who are selling their corn for twenty-six cents a bushel.—Little Rock (Ark,) Gazette. Yo 7 “It's really exasperating to observe how few men are polite toward women. “Why, madam, how can you say such a thing? I wouldn't think of talking to a lady with my hat on."—Le Rire (Paris). Booth Tarkington, according to Ger- ald de Maurier, who knows him well, is an American patriot. Recently when he was in Italy a native spoke to him of Vesuvius. “Well, anyway,” said the Italian, “I'm sure you have nothing like Vesu- vius in the United States.” “We've got Niagara Falls,” said Tarkington, “which could put the blamed thing out in just about two min- utes."—Pittsburgh Chronicle Tele- graph. CMU N Village Spinster—And send me some mistletoe, will you? Flippant Youth—Certainly, miss; but, of course, we don’t guarantee it! —Passing Show (London). Huh! Someone has calculated that the longer skirt edict will mean 50 mil- lion dollars direct to the cloth indus- try, for 25 million yards more of cloth, to say nothing of employment for twenty thousand more people. Yes, but it would ruin the silk stock- ing industry and the oculists who are treating men for eye strain would starve to death—Houston Post. “Why were you not suspicious of that thief who grabbed a tray of monds and darted out of the door? “He disarmed suspicion,” said the jeweler. “Yes?” “He said he wanted to look at some engagement rings and the fellow acted the part so well he actually stammered and turned red."—Birmingham Age- Herald. Ted—Tom claims to be quite a golf player. What do you think? Ned—I'd rather wait until I hear what his caddy says—New York Sun. An old darky got up one night at a revival meeting and said: “Brudders an’ sisters, you knows an’ I knows dat I ain't been what I oughter been. Ise robbed henroosts and stole hawgs, an’ tole lies, an’ got drunk an’ slashed folks wi’ mah razor, an’ shot craps, an’ cussed an’ swore; but I thank the Lord der’s one thing I ain't nebber done: I ain't nebber lost mah religion.”"— Western Christian Advocate. “Is this a free country?” “What is it you want to do?"”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. comicbooks.com