Judge — February 18, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

t J- ———— — ee IN_ 1940 The Aviator—Father here is my charming fiancée that I brought back from the moon.—Le Rire (Paris). and mother, The lid not yet having been clamped down tight on tales that refer to those debilitating days of false stimulation, those days the memory of which sting- eth like an adder, we feel free to pass along this account of a foggy-minded man who entered a drug store at just about the time for closing. He wan- dered about the store, until the clerk, in a hurry to close the store and go home, said: “Come, hurry up! want?” “No rush; no rush ‘t all,” said the customer, radiating good nature and a strong aroma. “Don't know what I What do you want. Want somep’en, don’ know what ‘tis. Forgot. Name over some of the things you got.” “Well,” said the clerk, “we have tooth paste and mustard plasters and hair brushes and razor blades and soap and pills and—” “Hol’ on! Hol’ on! Don’ want none those things. That ain't right. Shay, what's some of th’ Great Lakes?” “Oh, there's Lake Superior and Michigan, and Erie—" “Erie! Thash th’ feller! Who was th’ feller said ‘Don’ give up th’ ship?’” “Perry.” “Thash it! Perry! Gimme five cents worth o° perrygoric.”"—Boston Herald. “Plunkville has more population than I thought. Plenty of well- dressed people on the street.” “Conditions are unusual this week, mister.” “Hey?” “A minstrel show has busted right in our midst."—Louisville Courier- Journal. “Is he well read?” “Is he! I should say ... he knows just when to applaud during an ec- centric dancing act."—New York Sun. “That was a fine selection,” said the music lover. “Quite so, quite so,” murmured the low-browed listener. “Something clas- sic, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” “Would you mind putting on a jazz record aj a sort of ‘chaser'?"—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. jacob Oppenheimer, just back from Germany, brings the following story to show how the mark has fallen: Having occasion to change some reg- ular money Oppenheimer proffered a bill of fair denomination and in return received a basketful of marks. Stirring about in the marks with his hand Oppenheimer said to the German: “This isn't enough, is it?” “Well,” the German replied, “if I give you another basketful you'll have to return the baskets.”"—Youngstown Telegram. “Are those eggs fresh?” “Fresh, mum?” replied the veracivus dealer. “Why, the hens that laid them eggs ain't even missed ‘em yet.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. “The man in the next flat must be making home brew.” “Why?” “Our roaches are returning in an intoxicated condition.” — Louisville Courier-Journal. “My dear,” said Mr. Plunger when he went home one evening, “I've some- thing important to tell you—a receiver has been appointed to take charge of my affairs.” “How nice!” cooed Mrs. Plunger. “When will he hold his first recep- tion?”—Boston Transcript. “But surely,” said the haughty woman, “if I pay fare for my dog he will be treated the same as other pas- sengers and be allowed to occupy a seat?” “Of course, madam,” the guard re- plied, politely, “provided he does not put his feet on it."—Pearson's Maga- zine. “When the burglar emerged from the cellar, there was I with my re- volver pointed straight at him.” “Did you tell him to throw up his hands?” “Heavens, no! He was carrying an armful of my home brew."—Boston Transcript. “Yer wouldn't think that little shrimp was a hero, would yer?” “"Im? No. Why, wot's he done?” “Been married five times."—Supplement to Weekly Telegraph (London>.