Judge — February 18, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

M!PNIGHT, and in the smoking room of a club sat a young man huddled in a chair. A friend entered. “Hello, Smith,” he asked, cheer- fully, “not going home yet?” “No,” muttered the despairing one, “I—I daren’t.” “Why, what's the matter?” “Matter? = It’s the end of every- thing. It means run, grief and a spoiled life!” The friend looked frightened. “Here, Smith, tell me what's up. Perhaps I can help you.” Smith clinched his knuckles showed white. “No one can help me,” he cried in agony. “I have come to the end of all things! At eight o'clock I tele- phoned to my wife and gave her a perfectly good excuse for not coming straight home, and—" his voice sank to a whisper—"I've forgotten what I said."—Philadelphia Record. fists .till the “Do you subscribe to the that money talks?” " said the impecunious citizen “You never have any money. How did you find that out?” “By eavesdropping.” Star. theory ‘Kansas City “I never tasted such queer batter cakes.” “Hey, you've fried my home brew.” —Louisville Courier-Journal, Harassed Assistant —I am sorry, madam, but this is all we have in stock, Shopper—Oh, don’t bother! I only wanted a little square for the bottom of the canary’s cage. — Pearson's Weekly (London) “It's nine o'clock, and you promised to meet me at seven.” “Oh, Reggie, I thought I said eight.” —The Weekly Telegraph. “Since Jones got married he has in- vented a great scheme to keep his wife from taking money out of his pocket.” “Yeah?” “Uh-huh. When he has any, he plays poker before he goes home.— Richmond Times-Dispatch. A magazine writer says the dog fills an empty place in man's life. This is especially true of the hot dog. —Hart- ford Times What is so wrought up “This is only a pig case. that young lawyer about?” “He has a reputation to make. Win a pig case and you may be engaged in a breach of promise suit.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. Department Manager—We'll have to fire that new salesman. He’s asleep most of the time. General Manager —No, don't fire him. Send him up to the clock sec- tion. We can use him there demon- strating alarm clocks on him.—Boston Globe. Digest of the World’s Humor | Feir Angler—Mr. Rosenthall is so interesting when he is fishing Ethusiastic Rodman—Has he caught some big fish lately? “No. But he talks to the bait just like it was a pair of dice."—The Cata- lina Islander A Wichita woman washed her pet poodle in a toilet preparation the other day and turned his fleaship into a bright pink shade. The result has been to cause a great wave of prohibi- tion in the Country Club district, for the hootch drinkers think they are see- ing things when they spy the passion ate pup and are signing the pledge right and left. — Eldorado (Kan.) Times. “Do you ever make mistakes?” “Oh, yes,” said the druggist. “We make mistakes occasionally. One of our customers thought he was buying extract the other day, but a clerk gave him horse liniment instead. He drank it, too.” “Any complaint?” “No complaint. Several of his neighbors came in the next morning with prescriptions from a veterina- rian."—Birmingham Age-Herald. “Mrs. Flubdub is getting a divorce.” “But I thought he was a model hus- band.” “Well, he was a 1918 model."— Louisville Courier-Journal. “I am told that you and your hus- band had a falling out!" “Never in your life: vorced."—Le Rire (Paris). simply di- comicbooks.com