Judge — February 11, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“You were staring at that girl.” “Now, wife, I merely cut my eyes around at her.” “Cut your eyes around at me occa- sionally.” “Every time I do I see a $4.98 hat that cost me $40."—Birmingham Age- Herald. “Brown plays a rather tight game of poker, doesn’t he?” “He has to. He's one of those birds who gives his wife half his win- nings.”—Louisville Courier-Journal, Pat was helping the gardener on a gentleman’s place and, observing a shallow stone basin containing water, he inquired what it was for. “That,” said the gardener, bird bath.” “Don’t ye be foolin’ me,” grinned Pat. “What is it?” “A bird bath, I tell you. you doubt it?” “Because I don’t belave there’s a burrd alive that can tell Saturday night from anny other.”—Boston Transcript. “5 Why do “Have you any qualifications for a screen career, miss?” “Well, I shot a man and was ac- quitted after a spectacular trial.” “I mean any unusual qualifications.” Birmingham Age-Herald. “Please do not insist! For con- venience sake, I am obliged to choose the negress. I am in mourning!”"—Le Rire (Paris). A little Scotch laddie, wee Willie Macgregor, returned home after his first day at school. When his father came back from work that evening he asked the young scholar what he had learned. “I learned to say, ‘Yes, ma'am,’ and ‘No, sir,’ to me mither and feyther,” replied the boy. “Did you, indeed!” said the father. “Aye!” responded Willie.—Pearson’s (London). Wifie—O, hubby get the doctor; baby swallowed a nickel. Hubby—What, pay $2 to recover five cents? Nothing doing—Boston Globe. “I understand your boy wants to be- come a musician.” “I’m trying to get him to take up the bass drum,” said Mr. Cobbles. “What's the idea in that?” “If he puts his heart into playing that kind of instrument, it'll be the first manual labor he's ever done.”"— Birmingham Age-Herald. Judge—How do you explain the fact that you were in your stocking feet when caught? Burglar—I was told someone in the family was sick.—Boston Globe. Ambrose Berry paid an agent four dollars to recharge his lightning rods, and reports that they’re in fine shape for the next storm.—Woodland (Ga.) Wanderer. Rector (giving lessons in school) — There are still parts of the world where men eat each other. What do you call a man who eats another man? Small Boy—Greedy, sir! — London Morning Post. “What! Jobson working again? I thought he’d retired with a compe- tence.” “He did; but the minute he retired his wife knew he had it.”—Boston Transcript. Householder—That’s a rummy sort o’ way to enter a bloke’s ‘ouse!” Intruder—“Well, I knocked!"—Passing Show (London).