Judge — February 11, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sympathetic Old Lady—Dear me! Wouldn't a gramophone be easier, my good man?”—Passing Show (London). A Philadelphia clergyman is the father of a son whose habits of un- punctuality are a sore trial. Never- theless, the youth’s ready tongue is a source of secret delight to the parent. Once the young man appeared at Sunday breakfast twenty minutes after the appointed time. “Son,” said the minister, reproach- fully, as he held his watch so that the youth might see its accusing face, “do you think this is right? Do you hon- estly think it is right?” “Well, father,” returned the young man, regretfully, “I wish it were about twenty minutes fast, but as you ask me to say honestly, I am afraid it’s just about right.”—Homiletic Review. Getting out a newspaper is no pic- nic. If we print jokes folks say we are silly; if we don’t, they say we have no sense of humor. If we publish original matter they say we lack variety; if we publish things from other papers they say we are too lazy to write. If we don’t go to church we are heathens; if we do we are hypocrites. If we stay in the office we ought to be out rustling news; if we are out rustling news we are not attending to our business at the office. If we wear old clothes we are not solvent; if we wear new clothes they are not paid for. What in thundera- tion is a poor editor to do, anythow? Like as not, some editor will say we swiped this from an exchange. We did. — Maryville (Mo.) Democrat- Forum. One day a teacher was having a first grade class in physiology. She asked them if they knew that there was a burning fire in the body all of the time. One little girl spoke up and said: “Yes'm; when it is a cold day I can see the smoke.”—Epworth Herald. “Times have changed,” said the bachelor. “What now?” “Just called on a married couple and saw a baby being put to sleep by a lullaby played on a graphophone.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. “A lot of eloquence,” said Uncle Eben, “ain’ no more practical use dan hollerin’ ‘Come seven!’ in a craps game.”— Washington Star. Grocer—What was that woman com- plaining about? Clerk—The long wait, sir. “Well, some people you never can please, anyhow. Yesterday she com- plained of the short weight.”"—West- ern Christian Advocate. “Will you give me a reference, ma’am. “The beauteous one Reno, you say?” “Yes, for her health.” “I didn’t know Reno was a health resort.” “She says her husband makes her sick.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald, is going to “When will we know that airships are a commercial success?” “When the tramps begin stealing rides.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Waiter—Would you like it served with sherry sauce, sir? Guest—Yes, and come to think of it, you can make it all sauce.—Kansas City Star. The Toledo Blade proposes a Tell- the-Truth Week. What do they want to do—start another war?—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Professor W. E. Grange, author of “Primitive Love,” said in a lecture in Boston: “Primitive man was very cynical about love. Modern man, under his veneer of civilization, is just as cynical about it. “I once heard a bricklayer and a mason discussing love. ““‘My idea,’ said the bricklayer, ‘is that if you're fool enough to fall in love, the cure is to run away.’ “The mason gave a sneering laugh. “*Yes, that’s a sure cure,’ he said, * provided you run away with the girl.’” —Detroit Free Press. “Have you noticed that Dauber has changed his style of painting lately? From his former meticulous method he has turned to a sort of slapdash impressionism.” “Yes. It’s the influence of golf, I think—he now tries to do his work with the fewest number of strokes.”— Boston Transcript. I'm going to Mrs. Surbiton, next “rn give you the best reference in the world, Jane. I hate that woman!” —London Weekly Telegraph. 24