Judge — February 11, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“T say, aunt, did you flirt when you were young?” “Just a little, Bobby.” “And were you ever punished for “Well—er—I married your Uncle Jack.”—London Weekly Telegraph. Officer—And you are giving a re- ward of only $5 for the return of your wife? Husband Harry—That’s all. “No one will bring her back for that small amount.” “I know it."—Boston Globe. “Business is bad.” “Can't you reduce office expenses?” asked his wife. “Yes, I guess I'll have to kiss the stenographer good-by.” “Harold!” — Louisville Journal. Courier- “Just a word,” said the lawyer to his fair client. “Yes?” “If your husband asks for the cus- tody of the poodle don’t try to win the sympathy of the court by weep- ing and calling the—er—little animal your ‘precious darling.’” “Why not?” “The judge is the father of ten chil- dren, and he’s proud of it.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. “What are you plunging back into the water for, Pat? You just swam ashore.” “Shure, Oi had to save meself first. Now Oi’m going back to save Moike.” —WNew York Sun. “Judge, I don’t know what to do.” “Eh?” “I swore to tell the truth.” “Well?” “But every time I try to tell it some lawyer objects.” — Louisville Courier-Journal. “I want to go into politics and make a name for myself,” said the ambitious young man. “Make a name for yourself before you go into politics, son,” said the veteran of many campaigns. “Then you can run for office on the plea that you were drafted.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Judge—Your tale that you stole this money sub-consciously impresses me. Prisoner—It’s true, your honor. I, my real self, didn’t know a thing about it. “Therefore, I am going to let your sub-conscious self imagine that it is out and getting the air for six months.” —Wayside Tales. “I understand that you are going to take a vacation?” “Yes,” replied Mr. Dustin Stax. need a change of scene.” “You never appeared to work very hard.” “No. But it becomes monotonous to do all your loafing in the same office."—Washington Star. “1 First Professor (in high-powered motor car)—We’'ve got it at last! Second Professor—G-got w-what? “Perpetual motion—I can’t stop.”— Queenslander (Brisbane). A sudden sound of whistling dis- turbed the air of the classroom, and the strains of “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” floated over forty small heads bent over forty small slates. “Who's that whistling?” screamed the teacher, as soon as she had recov- ered from her surprise. “It’s just masel’,” answered little Jock McGay, with true Scottish im- perturbability. “Did ye no ken Ah cud whistle?”—Answers (London). “That long-haired, round-shouldered feller going by on the other side of the street has a collection of 8,927 dif- ferent specimens of moths and butter- flies, and is adding to it right along,” pridefully said the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “Indeed!” returned the dyspeptic- looking guest. “And what does his wife do to support the family?”—Kan- sas City Star. A policeman had found a dog and returned it to the mansion from which it had strayed. The nurse-girl took the animal from him; at which the constable inquired: “Do you have to take care of the dog?” “Oh, no!” returned the maid. “The missis says I'm too young and inex- perienced—I only look after the chil- dren!”"—London Weekly Telegraph. “The bridegroom resembles his father-in-law.” “Yes. 2 But he looks much older.”—Korsaren (Christiania),