Judge — January 28, 1922 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Interview with a Mummy By Olga V. S. Owens WALKED into an old museum, on secret business sent, The chamber walls were high and grim, my guide was old and bent; He left me at the portal with a weird, unearthly sob, For he pitied any mortal who was out on such a job. Now to interview a mummy was the reason I was there, And I thought, Will he be churimy, or with hauteur coldly stare? But I cleared my throat with vigor, and assumed my widest smile, Yet it failed to melt the rigor he af- fected as his style Mummy's robe was most luxurious, bedecked in gems and lace, And what was still more curious, was his peculiar face: Not a blemish or a wrinkle—or ex- pression, could I see, Not a ghost of frown or twinkle crossed that physiognomy. “Howdy do?” I gently queried. There was no reply at all, For the Mummy still looked wearied and reclined against the wall Thought I then, I'll shirk these mere conventions, and instead, PR FOES Smith—Emma, I want you to promise not to worry me further about that new set of furs. Natural History Teacher—Jimmy,. where does the swallow go when it goes south? Jimmy—To the stummick. I shall call him Artaxerxes to his face! He still looked dead. “Ptolemy!” I wailed with passion, “Sphinx! Antiquity Renewed!” “Won't you show in any fashion you like being interviewed? Yours the wisdom of the ages, yours is great prophetic power, You know all the lore of sages, even to this very hour.” And I stood in eager readiness to take down all that occurred, FULLER HUMOR But my subject stared with steadiness, and never said a word! Then I cast aside my paper, and I threw away my pen, And I cried, “You great old gaper! Oh, most taciturn of men, I shall go away undaunted, I rejoice that you are dumb, I've discovered what I wanted: that @ mummy's mostly mum!” THE MAIN THING “Tightwad has given his fiancee a ring, and the diamond isn't genuine.” “She doesn't care as long as the engagement is.” THE ROCK-BOUND MOVIE COAST “Tell the property man to buy some new canvas. “What now?” “Miles Standish, in landing, stepped right through a rock.” QUICK CAPITULATION “Here is where they fought the battle of Bunker Hill. I don't think we'd better try to climb the monument.” “I say we will.” “All right, my dear to fight another battle.” I don’t want _— AFTER THE SPANKING Mother—Where are you going, Tommy? “Outdoors an s-sit on some snow!”