Judge — January 28, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i } } “Yes, sir,” declared the hermit of Rocky Butte, “I gave up trout fishing years ago. When I want to fish I roll me a bit of bread dough, go down to the slough, throw in, and just sit there. Lots of folks wouldn't call it fishing; but it’s astonishing what I catch. I catch a bit of cloud against the blue sky, a muskrat climbing out to wash a root, a breeze that tastes like rain, a glimpse of a cock pheasant stalking through the grass, and various other things. What do I do with the carp? Oh, I throw ‘em back.”—Port- land Oregonian Speaking of white mule, two rustic sports were uncertainly flivvering their way home from the county seat “Bill,” said Henry, “I wancha to be very careful, Firs’ thing y’ know you'll have us in a ditch.” “Me?” said Bill in astonishment “Why I thought you was drivin’.”"— Minneapolis Journal. U7 aan +m oh ow “ng Wife—George, is that you? The Regal One—Makes one feel that there are only two classes of people—those who have rooms to rent and those who wish to rent them. The Hypocrite—Comes in with a radiant smile on the first day of every week and says, “Did you want to see me about something?” The Slattern—Wears a menu card apron that tells you everything on last week's bill of fare. The Vulture—Advertises a “clean, front” apartment which has always just been rented, and insults a person by showing him one that “will suit you perfectly.” The Honest, Kindly, Generous One —See current fiction—New York World. “Goodson is an awful bore—always parading his virtues.” “Yes, and they take so long to pass a given point."—Chicago Post. George—Why, certainly! Who else were you ‘shpecting at this timer- night?—London Mail. 24 “George, dear, I dream of you quite often. And what about you?” “Really, madam, I never have night- mares!"—Le Rire (Paris). Can You Tell?— When the English tongue we speak Why is “break” not rhymed with “freak”? Will you tell me why it's true We say “sew” but likewise “few”: And the fashioner of verse Cannot cap his “horse” with “worse”? s different from “word”: is cow, but “low” is low; "is never rhymed with “foe.” Think of “hose,” and “dose,” and “lose”; And of “goose,” and also “choose.” Think of “comb,” and “tomb,” and “bomb”; “Doll,” and “roll,” and “home,” and “some”; And since “pay” is rhymed with “say,” Why not “paid” with “said,” I pray? We have “blood,” and “food.” and “good,” “Mould” is not pronounced like “could.” Wherefore “done,” but “gone,” and “lone”? Is there any reason known?—The Arrow. Visitor—I would like to get you to teach me to sail a boat. Boatman—Sail a boat! Why, it’s easy as swimmin’. Jest grasp the main sheet with one hand, an’ the tiller with the other, an’ if a squall strikes, ease up or bring ‘er to, an’ loose the halyards, but look out fer the gaff an’ boom, or the hull thing’ll be in the water, an’ ye'll be upset; but if the wind is steady y’r all right, on- less y’r too slow in luffin’, cause then yell be upset sure. Jump right in an’ try it; but, remember, whatever ye do, don’t gibe!—Pearson's (London) “Lots of girls say they would rather dance than eat.” “But they don’t mean that. You gotta buy supper for 'em.”"—Louisville Courier-Jouraal.