Judge — January 21, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

you Iti- s1]- ily he ot vn d. st le at at o The Optimist—’Ow can yer expect it to break if yer don’t swing ’arder, Clarence? —Passing Show (London). Elsie—My mamma got a nice pres- ent yesterday an’ she frew her arms around papa’s neck. What does your mamma do when she gets a nice pres- ent? Eddie—She tells daddy she'll for- give him, but he mustn’t stay out late again.—Boston Transcript. “That fellow Jones is an incorrigible liar, but I gotta say he is smooth at it—smooth and oily.” “Yeah: I think he married one of these women who always require ex- planations and alibis.” — Richmond Times-Dispatch. We are pleased to observe that all that talk about short skirts and one- piece suits fails to attract the atten- tion of bow-legged ladies. — Cincin- nati Enquirer. Wife—You know, Henry, I speak as I think. Hubby—Yes, dear, London Mail. but oftener!— Usually the fiddler is paid by some one who didn’t dance at all.—Nash- ville Tennessean. The only objection to these un- popular laws that can’t be enforced is the fact that they frequently are.— Baltimore Evening Sun. where can I get Motorist—Say, I've met with some repairs made? an_accident. Farmer—What d’ye want, a machine shop or a hospital?—Boston Tran- script. Ted—Things are gradually getting back to normal. Ned—There’s no doubt of it. The waiters once more thank you for a quarter tip—Detroit Free Press. “What has become of the old high- wayman who used to say, ‘Your money or your life’?” “He has gone to bootleggin’,” an- swered Uncle Bill Bottletop, “and now demands both.”—Washington Star. Corn on the cob is fine, but there are some who prefer it on the hip.— Norfolk Ledger-Dispatch. He—I want to get you the finest engagement ring in the world. What kind of stone would you like? She—One like David in the Bible used. “Meaning?” “The kind that'll knock ‘em dead.” —Wayside Tales. The teacher had been explaining fractions to her class. When she had discussed the subject at length, wish- ing to see how much light had been shed, she inquired: “Now, Bobby, which would you rather have, one apple or two halves?” The little chap promptly replied: “Two halves.” “Oh, Bobby,” exclaimed the young woman, a little disappointedly, “why would you prefer two halves?” “Because then I could see if it was bad inside.”—Queenslander (Brisbane, Australia). The archbishop had preached a fine sermon on the beauties of married life. Two old Irish women coming out of church were heard commenting upon his address. “°Tis a fine sermon his reverence would be after givin’ us,” said Bridget. “It is indade,” replied Maggie, “and I wish I knew as little about the mat- ter as he does.”—Tit-Bits (London). “Ethel,” said the bishop, “you seem to be a bright little girl; can you re- peat a verse from the Bible?” “T’ll say I can.” “Well, my dear, let us have it.” “The Lord is my shepherd—I should worry.”—Florida Times-Union. “Mrs. Brown, I got t’ tell yuh, th’ sheriff came to-day an’ took your hus- band’s clothes.” “What! Outrageous! I wish you'd find my husband and tell him right away.” “He knows it, m’m. He was wearin’ ’em at th’ time."—Richmond Times- Dispatch. “Have the ladies of the jury brought in their verdict yet?” “You mean ‘Guilty’ or ‘Not Guilty’?” “Of course. What else?” “They decided that the woman in the case was a perfect frump without leav- ing the jury box.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Showing to what lengths a girl will go. —The Bystander. 21 comicbooks.com