Judge — January 14, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Arthur, you can never answer my questions!” “Well, instead of marrying me you ought to have bought an encyclo- pedia.”—Meggendorfer Blaetter (Munich). Too many fellows in this town like to stand around and grunt while the other man lifts—Dahlonega (Ga.) Nugget. “My son,” said the old gentleman who was giving his boy a little fatherly advice, “just remember that there are no short cuts to fame.” “Yes, father.” “Even the baseball star who earns a reputation as a home-run king has to touch all the bases.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. Old Doc Wiley says that beer has no medicinal value. Neither has cherry pie, Doc.—Los Angeles Times. Clouds of dust so thick as to be a menace to navigation are reported by the Weather Bureau on the Yellow Sea. Thus the dry influence spreads. —Seattle Daily Times. “What did you do with that cowboy who came in demanding hard likker?” “Gave him a soft answer.” “Heh?” “Hit him over the head with a bottle of pop.”—Louisville Courier- Journal. It is suggested that the Constitu- tion be taught in the schools. It won't do. Children would become radicals and grow up to demand all the liberties the Constitution guaran- tees.—Colorado Springs Gazette. . “Tommy, you wrote this excuse yourself.” “Why, teacher, my papa wrote that excuse.” “Do you mean to tell me your father doesn’t know how to spell ‘please’?” “I don’t believe he does, ma’am. I’ve never heard him say that word to ma or me.”—Birmingham Age-Her- ald. First Fisherman—Why did you change your position? Second Fisherman—I couldn’t stand the uncertainty of it up there by Umson. “What do you mean?” “He had the hiccups and it made his bobber look like he had a nibble all the time.”—-Youngstown Telegram. Little Bess—Mamma, do dogs get married? Mother—Certainly not, dear. “Then what right has Prince to growl at Fannie when they’re eating breakfast?”—Boston Transcript. 24 “I speak four languages,” proudly boasted the door man of a hotel in Rome to an American guest. “Yes, four —lItalian, French, English and American.” “But English and American are the same,” protested the guest. “Not at all,” replied the man. “If an Englishman should come up now I should talk like this: ‘Oh, I say, what extraordinary shocking weather we're having! I dare say there'll be a bit of it ahead!’ But when you came up I was just getting read to say: ‘For the love o’ Mike! Some day, ain't it? Guess this is the second flood, all right.’ ”°—Youth’s Companion. “I want to vote,” said the motherly- looking woman. “Yes, madam. Are you a qualified voter?” asked the election official. “I ought to be. I’ve raised seven children, wrestled with a cook stove for twenty-four years and supported a worthless husband.” “Madam, in my estimation you are entitled to vote twice.”’—Birmingham Age-Herald. “T understand Piute Pete is drawing a thousand dollars a week from the movies,” remarked Cactus Joe. “Yep,” answered Three - fingered Sam. “He ain’t much of a desperado at that; but I reckon he’s enough of a gunman to intimidate a manager when they’re signing contracts.’—Washing- ton Star. “What have you learned at school?” was the time-honored question a young woman asked her niece yesterday. “Oh, nothing at all,” responded the little first grader; “I don’t know what in the world is the matter with my teacher!”—Eldorado (Kan.) Times. “What is your favorite musical in- strument?” “I have none just at present,” re- plied Mr. Bibbles, “but I once saw a phonograph that took my fancy mightily.” “I thought you detested phonograph music.” “I do, but the playing mechanism had been taken out of this machine and it was used exclusively as a cellaret.”— Birmingham Age-Herald “But are you sure you really want it, darling?” “Silly! it?”—London Mail. How can I tell till I get comicbooks.com