Judge — January 14, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

it ema & “Now, Reginald, look after Fido while I go to the shops, and if he’s troublesome hit him on the snout with this!"—Weekly Telegraph. “What's this I hear?” “Well?” “A veteran plainsman says these movie cowboys don’t even know how to ride a horse correctly.” “That won’t make any difference to the average movie fan who never sees a man on horseback unless he happens to be a mounted policeman or the grand marshal of a street parade.” —Birming- ham Age-Herald. Samson used the jawbone of an ass to end a war. In modern times this weapon is used only to start wars.— Pueblo Star-Journal. After giving their husbands the once over, we are unalterably opposed to the libel which says women have no sense of humor.—Columbia (S. C.) Record. A husband who “will eat anything” usually has a wife who can’t cook any- thing.—Los Angeles Times. “There goes a man who has never quarreled with his wife.” “That so. How long have they been married?” “They’re just leaving the parson’s now.”—Detroit Free Press. He—Great heavens, woman! Do you think I am made of money? She—I wish you were. I could get you changed then.—Boston Transcript. “What sort of man is Peckton?” “Put him with a crowd of men and he’s as red-blooded as anybody.” “T see.” “But his wife selects his hats.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. Mrs. Crawford—What cured your husband of finding fault with your cooking? Mrs. Crabshaw—I started in to make fun of his home brew.—New York Sun. “What’s the argument between the scientists?” “Aw, there’s no meat to it.” “I see. Just a bone of contention.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. The real yellow peril isn’t a race, but a streak.—Boston Post. Ostentatious meekness is another form of egotism.—Baltimore Evening Sun. “This is a fashionable grillroom.” “Yes, Tessie, all the other ladies are smoking.” “So I see. Do you think they will put us out for not smoking?”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. Teacher—Willie, can you tell me how matches are made? Little Willie—No, ma’am, but I don’t blame you for wanting to find out. “Why, what do you mean?” “Mother says you have been trying to make one for years.” —Detroit News. Landlord—You didn’t pay the rent for last month. Tenant — No? Well, I suppose you'll hold me to your agreement. “Agreement! What agreement?” “Why, when I rented you said I must pay in advance or not at all.”— Detroit Free Press. The station master, hearing a crash on the platform, ran out of his room just in time to see the express disap- pearing around the curve and a dis- heveled young man sprawled amid several overturned milk cans and the contents of his traveling bag. “Was he trying to catch the train?” asked the station master of a small boy who stood by admiring the scene. “He did catch it,” said the boy, hap- pily, “but it got. away again.”—Chicago Herald and Examiner. The Sunday School teacher was talk- ing to her class about Solomon and his wisdom. “When the Queen of Sheba came and laid jewels and fine raiment before Solomon, what did he say?” she asked presently. One small girl, who evidently had experience in such matters, replied promptly: “ow much d’yer want for the lot?” —London News. Just because a crank can start some- thing, he thinks he is the source of the horsepower.—Baltimore Sun. “They say kissing is dangerous!” “Yes, I once kissed a married woman and had two ribs broken.” —Klods Hans (Copenhagen). comicbooks.com