Judge — January 14, 1922 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

dly in es, ind he ‘It Ww Ly, er be ne ys id y= “I say, Madge, it’s bitterly cold. Hadn’t you better put something on your chest?” “Don’t worry, old thing. I’ve pow- dered it three tiines.”—London Mail. During an examination in an Eng- lish school the inspector began to question the pupils on punctuation, when the mayor, a pompous individual, interrupted with the remark, “It is foolish to bother about commas and such-like.” The inspector flushed angrily, and turning to one of the boys he bade him write on the blackboard, “The mayor of Cheesington says the inspector is a fool.” “Now,” he continued, “put a comma after Cheesington and another after inspector.” The boy did so. The mayor got his lesson, and he kept quiet after that.— Boston Transcript. The average movie hero is in pretty bad shape along in the middle of the third reel, and it takes two more reels to get him out. That’s why so many photoplays would be more satisfactory if the last two reels were dispensed with. And that’s why many discern- ing movie goers are seen walking out at the end of the third reel. They have seen the hero land just where they want him, and by walking out, leave him there.—Kansas City Star. Maudie—What’s wrong with the car; it squeaks dreadfully? Jimmie—Can’t be helped; there’s pig-iron in the axles.—Answers (Lon- don). Mrs. A.—I have such a job getting my husband awake in the morning. Mrs. B.—Same with me. I only wish John could be aroused as easily as his suspicions are.—Boston Globe. If the other man makes more money than you can and is able to lick you, the only consolation left is the con- viction that he is wicked and will go to hell_—Baltimore Evening Sun. “Was it a home wedding?” inquired the able editor of the Tumilinville Torch of Liberty. “It aimed to be,” replied Gap John- son of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., “but it turned out to be sort of a procession wedding. The ceremony began in the home of the bride’s parents, as usual, but the groom, a nervous sort of feller, got skeered at the preacher’s solemn words, or something that-a- way, and jumped out of the window and defunct for the tall timber as the crow flies. The rest of us paraded after him, as it were, and he was finally overtook, knocked down and married ’neath the bending boughs of a giant oak, so to describe the process.”—Kansas City Star. “Pa, why do they say in the market reports that wheat is nervous?” “I guess, son, it is because it ex- pects to be thrashed.”—Boys’ Life. Teacher—And_ what was Nelson's farewell address? Bright Boy—Heaven, ma’am.—Lon- don Mail. Johnny—The camel can go eight days without water. Freddy—So could I if ma would let me.—Harper’s Bazar. “He’s perfectly quiet,” remarked the man to the two girls who were hiring a pony and trap. “Only you must take care to keep the rein off his tail.” “We won't forget,” they said. When they returned he asked them how they had got on. “Splendidly!” they exclaimed. “We had one sharp shower, but we took it in turn te hold the umbrella over the horse’s tail, so there was no real danger.”—Edinburgh Scotsman. He—Think twice before you refuse me? She—Why should I think twice? “Because women never think twice the same.”—New York Sun. Wearing the pants is no longer a symbol of man’s sovereignty, since woman may rifle the pockets.—Pitts- burg Dispatch. Girls may be as guileful as they were twenty-five years ago, but they are much easier to see through.—De- troit Free Press. “Play poker with a bunch of wo- men?” “No, I can’t take their money.” “Don't worry. You won’t.”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. A Kansas man is reported to be the father of thirty-two children. It is not known whether he will apply for admission to the league of nations or just let America represent him for the present.—Chicago Record. One man has prepared a blue law that leaves a man free to kiss his wife on Sunday. But there is nothing left for an unmarried man to do.—Toledo Blade. Some men quarrel with their wives and others have learned to say “Yes, dear.’"—Baltimore Evening Sun. “I always like a person who enjoys the society of children, don’t you?” “Not always,” answered Mrs. Cay- enne. “Some people enjoy the society of children because they are so easily induced to talk freely about the affairs of their parents."—Washington Star. Hold-up Man—Sorry to trouble you, Mr. Station-keeper, but could you tell me how soon the next train leaves?. I just missed the last one.—Le Rire (Paris). 1 comicbooks.com