Judge — January 14, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“A ND am I the only girl you have ever—” “Wait a minute, Molly. Before you ask me that, do you want me to lie and flatter you, or tell you the truth and satisfy your curiosity.” — Richmond Times-Dispatch. When Angeline Anglebeam returned home with her writings her mother asked her: “What did the editor think of your verses?” “I guess he thought they were all right.” “Did he accept any of them?” “No, he said he couldn’t print any of them just now because he was all out of poetry type.” — Youngstown Telegram. “Twins, eh? What'll I do about a baby carriage?” “Oh, they manufacture them for two and three passengers, old top.”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. “That man they call ‘doctor’ is a scientific lecturer, not a medical man.” “Yes,” rejoined Miss Cayenne. “He’s one of the kind of doctors who give you brain fag and then don’t know how to prescribe for it.”—-Wash- ington Star. “Why do you always send flowers?” “I’m not going to have her share my candy with other guys.”—Louis- ville Courier-Journal. “Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?” “How old are you now?” “Forty.” “Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?” “No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven’t any vices.” “Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?” —London Mail. Visitor—What a nice little boy your brother is! He doesn’t want me to leave.” Big Brother —’Course he don’t! Dad’s promised him a licking as soon as you've gone!”—Pearson’s Weekly. A railway director rebuked a ticket collector who allowed him to go through the gate without producing his pass. “Noematter if you do know who I am,” he said, in reply to the collector’s excuse; “I am entitled to ride free only when I am traveling with that pass. You don’t know whether I have it or not.” The collector, nettled into action, demanded to see the pass. “That’s right,” exclaimed the di- rector. “Here—why—where—well, I declare. I must have left it at the office.” “Then you'll have to pay your fare,” responded the collector, grimly. And he did.—Minneapolis Tribune. “Can I be of any assistance?” asked the sympathetic motorist of a man who was looking unutterable thoughts at a disabled car. “How is your vocabulary?” “I’m a minister, sir.” “Drive on.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. “Papa, what do you call a man who runs an automobile?” “It depends on how near he comes to hitting me.”—Houston Post. One half of the world does not know how the other half brews.—Indian- apolis News. Digest of the World’s Humor “Trotter seems to be kept pretty busy by that second-hand car he bought lately.” “Yes,” replied J. Fuller Gloom, “I see him taking it out for a ride almost every morning and it bringing him in for a walk late in the afternoon,”— Kansas City Star. “Madam, when you say your car was out of control and headed toward the sidewalk, why didn’t you do some- thing?” “I did do something,” matron, indignantly. “What?” “I screamed.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. said the “Law me,” an old lady said ‘n front of a Smith Center store Saturday, “had I dared to wear knee-length skirts like the girls do now when I was young, I would have run down a man six years before I did.”—Kansas City Star. “Brother Williams, if the summons were to come fer you to go to heaven to-night, would you be ready and will- ing?” “Looky heah, Mr. Tom,” was the “reply, “ain’t you ’ware er de fact dat I done paid a month’s house rent in advance?”—Atlanta Constitution. “What’s the matter, John?” “Baby has a June bug and he wants to keep it.” “Well, let him keep it.” “But he wants to keep it in the back of my watch.” — Louisville Courier- Journal. Teacher—What makes you so late? Boy—Please, miss, the doctor brought a new little sister this morning. Teacher (preoccupied)—Very good; but don’t let it happen again, mind.— London Opinion. comicbooks.com