Judge — January 7, 1922 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Oakland printer collided with a street car in that city and got all “pied up.” They lugged him to the hospital, where the doc picked three- em slivers, two-point wedges of glass and four or five sticks of ground-up bone from his anatomy, and then at- tempted to send him out as a regular edition with a scarehead attached. It was no go. He was “off his feet,” and the surgeons say he won’t be fit for distribution until he is “sorted,” as he didn’t create a good impression when they pressed him as to the cause of the accident. The printer is dis- appointed, as the galley intended to marry rules that she can’t stick to him for any longer period in his present makeup, and the printer swears he will kill her off on sight. But the girl is composing herself by the thought that she will continue to chase the males just as long as men of the type she is after will letter—San Francisco Chronicle. “The projecting machine must be out of order.” “I hadn't noticed it.” “I hear a constant clicking.” “A flapper behind you is chewing gum.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “Whom does the baby resemble?” “Well, he has my wife’s eyes and my nose, but I can’t imagine where he got his voice, unless it was from my auto- mobile siren.”—Town Topics. She—There isn’t a single man that I really care for. He—That’s all right, I’m married. Shall we sit down?—London Mail. “Honestly, I believe that man was trying to flirt with me!” gasped the sweet young thing. “Nothing like it, dearie,” retorted the wretch; “that guy’s a dry agent winking at a violation.”"—Buffalo Ex- press. “Major, would it be against the law to paint a picture of a mint julep on a billboard?” “I don’t know whether or not it would be against the law, sir, but it would be an act of senseless cruelty to about ninety per cent. of our mascu- line population.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. “Just what is the difference between a henpecked husband and the other kind of husband?” asked the bachelor. “Well,” explained the benedick, “the henpecked husband gives in to his wife right away, but the other kind of hus- band doesn’t give in until the next day.” —Cincinnati Enquirer. “I was grieved to read the speech you delivered yesterday, Senator.” “Garbled, sir. Garbled in the press reports.” “But the reporter claims he took it down in shorthand.” “The dickens he did! Is there no protection for a man in public life?” —Birmingham Age-Herald. “A lady living over tuther side of Mount Pizgy took a shot at her hus- band yesterday and killed a dog,” re- lated an acquaintance. “Well, a gun is a powerful dangerous utensil in the hands of a lady that can’t shoot straight,” returned Gap Johnson of Rumpus Ridge, Ark.—Kan- sas City Star. The New Cook—Please, mum, dol say “Dinner is served” or “Dinner is ready”? Her Mistress—Well, if it is anything like it was yesterday, it would be simpler to say “Dinner is spoiled” !— Passing Show (London). 2