Judge — December 31, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of “A woman never takes any stock in this lifelong devotion business.” “What say?” “After a man has been devoted for twenty years he’s merely on proba- tion.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. “T trust, Mr. Borum,” said Miss Cutting, as the young man was about to depart, “that you will spend one more afternoon with us before we move into our new house.” “Delighted, I assure you, Miss Cut- ting,” replied Borum. “By the way, when do you expect to move?” “I’m not positive as to the exact date,” she answered, “but the work- men began excavating for the cellar yesterday, and papa expects the house to be finished in about eighteen months.”—Edinburgh Scotsman. Our idea of a real yellow peril is a lovely young woman wearing yellow stockings.—Cincinnati Enquirer. “Professor Diggs, have you ever discovered a buried city?” “Oh, yes.” “And what do you chiefly enjoy about that kind of work?” “Well, for one thing, when you un- earth a city that has been buried for two or three thousand years, you don’t have to listen to the reminiscences of the oldest inhabitant.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. “What's this contraption?” “A labor saving device,” says the young wife. “I bought it this morn- ing. “What kind of labor?” “Dear me! The agent talked so fast I forgot to ask.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Gay Gentleman—Could you oblige me with a programme? Box Office Attendant — But show’s nearly over! “I know that, but I want to prove to my wife where I’ve been!” —Londop Mail the orld’s Humor Wi “Hullo! There’s that Robinson girl living up to her usual motto.” “What's that?” “Never put off to-morrow what you can take off to-day!”—London Mail. Daddy came home from the office early one evening, and mother had not returned from some friends whom she had been visiting for tea. Little four-year-old Gwennie ran up to her father’s side. “Daddy,” she cried, “I’ve been want- ing to see you for a long time when mother’s not near.” “Why, my little girl?” asked the father. “Well, dad,” answered Gwennie, “please don’t tell mother, because she’s an awful dear, but I don’t think she knows much about bringing up chil- dren.” “What makes you think that?” asked her father. “Well,” replied Gwennie, “she makes me go to bed when I am wide awake, and she makes me get up when I am awful sleepy.”—Edinburgh Scotsman. William Allen White, the Kansas editor, was talking about droughts. “One summer, during a terrible drought,” he said, “a tourist was pass- ing through Arizona. He put up one night in a town so dried up that even the trees had yellowed and withered. “Does it never rain here?’ the tourist said to the landlord of the hot, dusty hole. “‘Rain?’ said the landlord. ‘Why, stranger, there’s five-year-old bull- frogs in this here town wot ain’t never learned to swim yet.’”—Detroit Free Press. Negro Parson (soliciting funds)— Bruddern, dis church hab got to walk. Deacon (in amen corner)—Amen, brudder, let ’er walk. Parson—Brudder, dis church hab got to run. Deacon—Amen, brudder, let ’er run. r “Bruddern, dis church hab got ter ly. “Amen, brudder, let ’er fly.” “Bruddern, it’s gwinter take money to make dis church fly.” “Let ’er walk, brudder, let ’er walk!" —Nashville Tennessean. The American woman, whose face used to be her fortune, spent $145,000,- 000 last year on cosmetics, proving that her face is now somebody else's fortune.—Washington Post. She—I’'d so like to wear the en- gagement ring at the party, dear. Can you get it on time? He — Impossible, darling. The jeweler says I must pay cash down.— Boston Transcript. “What kind of a place is your neigh- boring town of Torpidity?” asked a recently arrived guest. “Well, I'll tell you,” replied the landlord of the tavern at Grudge. “The Ku Klux Klan made a parade there one night last week, and the ols called it an op’ry.”—Kansas City tar. Fortune-teller—You wish to know about your future husband? Customer—No; I wish to kriow the past of my present husband for future use.—Boston Transcript. “Do you remember your class yell?” “Yes, and it wasn’t very expressive. I’ve got a son in college now, and you ought to hear me wher I audit his bills.”—Kansas City Journal Jill (after earnest scrutiny of mother’s latest)—I s’pose the ladies and the gentlemen dance in separate rooms, don’t they, mummie? London Opinion. comicbooks.com