Judge — December 31, 1921 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE MARTIALLY SPEAKING Old George Simons lay very ill. During the sixty years of his life he had experienced three unhappy matri- monial adventures, the last of which was so stormy as to be common neigh- borhood gossip. The nurse handed his mail to him. One of the three letters—an adver- tisement from a department store— was addressed to his late wife. “Humph!” he grunted, tossing it over the foot of his bed toward a waste basket, “there’s an outfit that doesn’t know the war’s over!” A LETTER CHANGED She was a stenographer who would leave out sentences, paragraphs, too, when she couldn’t read the hiero- glyphics in her book during the two weeks that she lingered with an adver- tising agency. The head of the agency was away for a couple of days. A client tele- graphed that he was coming to the city. Would Mr. Williamson be in his office? The president’s secretary dictated a reply: “Sorry, Mr. William- son is away trap shooting, will return Thursday.” The telegram was dispatched. A duplicate of it was placed on the presi- dent’s desk to let him see that the client’s wire had been taken care of. This is what he read: -“Sorry. Mr. Williamson is away crap shooting. Will return Thursday.” which Drawn by RENE CLARKE. No. 7—JIM BARNES’ LIST OF TEN COMMON FAULTS OF GOLFERS Pulling across the ball (for there are several reasons). oes ee a ee is ISN’T IT TRUE? The Jones’s had bought a new rug, a bright, brilliant green. Mr. and Mrs. Henry came to call and were voluble in their praise of it. The next morning little John Henry, aged four, appeared at the Jones’s front door and asked to see the new rug. Rather bewildered, but never theless flattered, that so small a boy should desire to admire her new pos- session, Mrs. Jones led him into the front room. John thrust his hands into his pock- ets, gravely walked about the room and critically surveyed the green cov- ering. “Huh,” he finally grunted, “it don’t make me sick!” GOT AN IDEA A young New York man was visited by his country father. As a special treat he piloted the old man to a lively cabaret. The fun was fast and furious, and culminated in a dancing girl act where toy balloons were thrown from the stage to the audience. The spectators batted them about, and finally one burst and covered the people in the vicinity with flour, and pandemonium reigned. Everybody tried to avoid the bursting balloons and to send them along to neighbors. After it was all over, the son, in an effort to find out how shocked the old man might be, asked: “Well, father, how did you like the balloon feature?” “All right a r as it went,” replied the old boy. 'm figuring on work- ing the stunt out home at the next spelling bee, but I’m going to put sneeze powder in the balloons.” THE CHINAMAN’S RESPONSE The crew of a United States ship went ashore in a Chinese port to place a wreath upon the grave of a shipmate who had been buried there on a previ- ous trip. When the ceremony had been performed, and the men were getting ready to return to the ship, one of them saw a Chinaman placing a bowl of rice on another grave near by. “Hey, John, how long do you think it will be before your friend comes up to eat the rice?” he asked. “Alle same long time your fliend come up to smell flowers,” the Chink replied. comicbooks.com