Judge — December 24, 1921 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE MOSE AND THE BUZZ SAW A safety director was down South trying to teach the colored people the principles of safety. Mose White got a job in a sawmill. The boss put him in charge of a buzz saw, showed him how the saw worked, warned him of the danger, and then went away. Mose was fascinated by the shin- ing, whirling saw. But was it as sharp and terrible as the boss had said? To test it he touched it gently with his finger. B-z-z! and the finger was no more. As Mose was ruefully tying up his hand in his bandana the boss came back. “Hullo, there, Mose! What's the matter?” “Buzz saw done cut my fingah off, sah.” “How in the dickens did that hap- pen?” “Ah dunno, boss. Ah just touched the darn contraption like dis—for Gawd’s sake, dar’s anudder finger gone!” BOTH RIGHT In a small country school, during a recess period, the teacher in charge of the playground saw one of the boys about seven years old strike one of the girls. “Norman,” said the teacher, “no gentleman would strike a lady.” After careful thought the boy replied: “Well, no lady would tickle a gen- tleman.” EQUAL OPPOR- TUNITIES Two. negroes, one very short and the other very tall, were digging a ditch. The short negro was down in the ditch throwing dirt up to the top of the ground, while the other was removing it. The little negro thought he was getting the worst of the job, so pro- posed that they ex- change places; but the big negro re- Drawn by RENE CLARKE. plied: “Go on, nigger! Youse done had de same chance to grow I had!” NOT EXACTLY MARRIED Mrs. Brown stopped in the kitchen for a chat with her colored cook, Lily. “Tell me,” she asked, “is that friend of yours that is working for the Black- dales married?” Lily shook her head doubtfully. “T’se couldn’t tell you dat off-hand like, but I'll investigate and tell you the result.” A few days afterwards Lily supplied the information. “The other night I was a-talking to dat girl at Blackdales, and I ask her was she or had she ever been married? She said no, she was not exactly married, but that she had housekeeped a few times.” WHAT MIKE ESCAPED After many weeks of delay Mike O’Hara came for the position which the company had kept open for him. A RUB OF THE GREEN The Undergraduate is careless—the Professor nearsighted. “Professor, did you see a meerschaum pipe with a round bowl?” “Well, now that you mention it, Stimpson, I did think that last shot of mine behaved rather oddly.” “The job is still yours, O’Hara,” the employer said, “but we cannot pay you the wages quoted on our first letter to you. The wages have been cut down twice since then.” “Begorry,” Mike replied, “it’s a foine t’ing f’r me t’ have come now, fr Oi’d owed money t’ th’ company!” WHAT SHE WANTED There are many stories from the new oil fields of the effect of suddenly acquired wealth. Many, unused to money, have squandered their thou- sands with reckless abandon, while others have continued the even tenor of their way, undisturbed by millions. An elderly couple had never known anything but drudgery. They lived on a sandy farm of a few acres, which was too poor to cultivate profitably, so they eked out an existence by cut- ting down scrub oak and selling it. The wife did most of the cutting, while the husband drove the wagon and sold the wood. An oil company drilled a wild cat well on their land and struck a gusher. This raised the pair to the millionaire class. The glad news was told the man in town, who, after disposing of his load, hastened back to tell his wife. She might have been expected to drop her axe with a sigh of relief, but this is what she re- plied: “Well, I wish you’d buy me a new axe-handle!” A SECRET A Swedish wom- an had regularly done the washing for Mrs. Jones. One hot summer day Mrs. Jones gave her a glass of lemonade. “Oh, tank you, tank you!” “Don’t mention it,” returned Mrs. Jones. Assuring herself that no one else was in the room, the woman whis- pered, “No, no! I von’t tell!” comicbooks.com