Judge — December 10, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mrs. Newlywed—Oh, Jack, you left the kitchen door open and the draught has shut my cookery book, so that now I haven’t the faintest idea what it is I’m cooking!—Le Ruy Blas (Paris). Her Economy — Wife — The tailor said he couldn’t make the gown for less than one hundred and twenty-five dol- lars, so I told him to go ahead. Hub—Why in the world didn’t you consult me first? “T didn’t want to spend a nickel tele- phoning, dear.”—New Haven Register. Stunc — Waiter — Thank you very much, sir. Diner—What do you mean? I haven’t given you anything. “No, sir, but I bet a half a dollar that you wouldn’t tip me.” “Oh, you did, eh! Well, here’s a nickel. Now you’re out 45 cents and serves you right for your confounded impertinence.”—Boston Transcript. Tue Epitor Suspenps—W. T. Lee, editor of the White River News, of Hazelton, will not issue his paper this week on account of the Gibson county fair. Mr. Lee is a member of the band which will furnish the music for the “great and only.”—Oakland, Ind., Journal. SuHortT-CHANGED—“Charles_ Richards and Lew Welsh short changed members of the women’s club yesterday when they accompanied the ladies to Caflin as Official tire changers,” says the Lyons Republican. “The ladies were guests of Mrs. Roy Filler, a former member of the club, and invited the Lyons men along as trouble menders. The pair rode eighty miles, ate seven pieces of fried chicken each—and didn’t change a tire.”—Kansas City Star. Old Lady (annoyed by persistence of porter)—Now then you, leave that bag alone—and go away before they ask me if I’ve got a dog ticket for you!—London Opinion. the ENOUGH NAMES To Go RouND—Liza belonged to a large family. Even on the plantation, where large families were the rule, the number of her broth- ers and sisters was a by-word. One morning Liza appeared at the “Big House,” where she was intrusted with the daily churning, with the information that her family circle had been still further enlarged. “We’s got a new baby ’t our house,” she announced. “Have you really!” exclaimed her mistress. “Boy or girl?” “It’s a girl.” “Well, well; another girl! Have they named her yet?” “Yes’m,” replied the small darky. “She name’ Frances. Mammy say she didn’t have none name’ Frances.”— Harper’s Magazine. Mr, Henpeck—I am thinking of taking a cottage hereabouts. Farmer—But don’t you think the climate would disagree with your wife? Mr. Henpeck—Disagree!—it would- n't dare.—Pearson’s Weekly. TRACING Gossip—Mrs. B.—I’m cer- tainly glad to make your acquaintance. Mrs. L.—l’ve heard so much about yu! “Oh! So you’re the one who enticed my servant girl away from me last fall!”—Boston Globe. WitH GesturEs—Movie Director— How do you express surprise? Comie Strip Artist—By falling over backwards.—New York Sun. Suspicious — That fellow down in Louisville who coughed up a four-inch living fish is all the proof we want of the kind of liquor they’re using in Colonel Watterson’s town.—Cincinnati Enquirer. 2“ World's Humor to thrash you a few minutes ago. Editor—What did you say to him? “I told him I was sorry you weren't in.”—Chicago Herald and Examiner. Tue CeLERY—“Abroad,” said Lady Muriel Cavendish at a dinner in New- port, “celery is never eaten raw. I serve raw celery, however, when I en- tertain American guests. “At my shooting-box in Donegal I served raw celery one November evening to some Americans. My butler’s as- sistant, a country lad, gaped at the Americans eating the celery, and finally I heard him whisper to the butler be- hind his hand: “Pat, look at the bla’guards atin’ all the flowers.’ ”"—Los Angeles Times. THE THING TO Do—See _ here, George, your letters to me are an insult. Poor spelling and fearful punctuation.” “You wouldn’t complain if you saw my peach of a stenographer.” “Then put her photograph on your stationery.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Very MucH Arrayep—“Goin’ in that house over there?” said the first tramp. “I tried that house last week. I ain’t goin’ there any more,” replied tramp No. 2. “?Fraid on account of the dog?” “Me trousers are.” “Trousers are what?” “Frayed on account of the —Los Angeles Times. dog.” A Missourr REvIsIoN—It’s all right to have close friends if they loosen up occasionally.—Kirksville Express. Perfectly Respectable Citizen—I am taking my boy to the South Ken- sington Museum. Perfect Ass—Great Scott! Is that so? What is there peculiar about him?—London Mail.