Judge — December 10, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ST ORI First Prize AN INVITATION ACCEPTED It was in the country and Berlu, who lived about a mile away, had called on his girl. As he was saying good-night, outside on the porch, it began to rain, and Rosine persuaded him to wait until it was over. He had waited for over an hour and the storm was getting worse. At the end of another hour it had acquired the propor- tions of a hurricane. At this juncture Rosine sug- gested that Berlu should spend the night under her roof, and Berlu readily accepted. Excusing her- self, the girl went to put in order the guest room, and as it was the first time that her beloved was spending a night in her father’s house, she took pains to make everything nice and comfortable. This took some time. When at last everything was fixed she came downstairs to the parlor. Berlu was there all right, but he was all out of breath as if he had been running, and he was wet and be- spattered with mud. “What is the matter? have you been?” she asked. “I ran home to get my night shirt,” the blushing Berlu replied. —J. E. Senecal. Where Second Prize WHY MANDY JUMPED A negro woman was on trial in a police court charged with assaulting another negress. The victim did not E S T O appear, being in the city hospital, all jammed up from diving off a porch on to a granitoid paved court. “Luella Washington,” said the police judge, “you are charged with striking Mandy Goblett on the head and throw- ing her over the railing off her own porch. Whatcha got to say for your- self?” “Judge,” Luella replied, “Ah nevah struck that woman, Ah neveh touched her. Ah had reprimanded her foh throwin’ garbage out back, an’ she kept right on doin’ it, and this mawnin’ Ah reprimanded her again. Judge, Ah came down stairs frum mah flat up above, an’ Ah was holding up ma right hand jes like the Statue of Liberty, jes like Ah’m holdin’ up ma right hand now, reprimandin’ that woman, an’ as Ah come close to her, that women jes’ jumped head first ovah the railing. Ah never touched her.” “What did you have in that hand which you were holding up like the Statue of Liberty?” the judge asked. “A hatchet, Judge.”—C. L. Edson. THE SEASONS The teacher in an East side school- room had been telling the class about the four seasons. Then she began her questioning. “How many seasons have we?” she asked Rachel. “Two, miss,” replied the little denizen of New York’s sweatshop dis- trict, “slack and busy.” THE REAL TROUBLE A head janitor in a large office building had been having a hard time to please a doctor in the building. He had heard complaints about the work until he had used every janitor in the building in an effort to find one who would suit this tenant. Finally one day, his patience worn out, he went to the doctor and plainly told him what he thought of him. At once the doctor reported the case to the superintendent of the building, who called the head janitor on the phone, and the following conversation took place. PULLED Sherlock Holmes—Ah! been to see a specialist. Victim—Wonderful, Holmes! you guess it? . H.—No guessing. duction. Look at your left leg. I see you have How did A very simple de- “Jake, Dr. H. has just re- ported you. What is the trouble with you?” “There is nothing the mat- ter with me. He has com- plained until I had to tell 23 Ni him some things,” came the response. “Well, you should let such things go in one ear and out of the other.” “That’s the trouble! It has been doing that for a year, and to-day one of my ears got stopped up and I had to shoot it out.” A merry laugh sounded over the wire as the superintendent hung up the receiver. AN EFFICIENT WAY A group of boys representing several denominations were discussing the “mode of baptism.” They all under- stood how Baptists initiated their candidates, and one of the number explained that the Presbyterians “just put some water on the head.” But they were not sure as to the Metho- dists’ plan, so at the suggestion of Willie they made a call on his aunt and asked her about it. The lady was busy watering the lawn with the garden hose, and upon hearing the inquiry replied, “Oh, the Methodists sprinkle.” Thereupon Joe ran home with wide open eyes. “Mamma,” he said, “guess how the Methodists baptize. Willie’s Aunt Lottie says that they turn the hose on ’em.” NO DEW DROP An old colored mammy of the “befo’ de war” type died recently, and con- spicuous among the mourners at the funeral were the white people she had served faithfully. An old negro preacher conducted the funeral serv- ice, and in the midst of his eulogistic remarks exclaimed: “No, our departed sister warn’t no doo-drap Christian.” “What did you mean by a ‘dew drop’ Christian?” asked one of the women after the service. “Oh,” said the old preacher, “I meant our sister warn’t de kind of Christian dat do drap into church oc- casionally. She were regular.” Feminine Diplomat — Back up slowly, icodemus, and never let on you saw him.